After another eight dead-end, awkward dates, Kevin swore off dating. His original visions of wild and sexy affairs with lurid, wanton women weren’t happening.
He had watched one too many eHarmony television commercials and thought everything was going to be a bed of roses…well, at least a bed of something.
Confused and Confounded
He was confused by things women wrote: “Not going Glamping” What the heck was glamping? “I only drink Holy Water?” What? And what was a “Burning Man- Lover?”
Always one to defer to research, he read a few “How-To” dating books and slowly realized he was out of his element and not quite in the 2017 swing of things
One woman, “SF Frisky,” responded to Kevin’s opening, email, with “TLTR.” He had to Google the acronym to learn it meant, Too Long to Read. Really, one paragraph? Kevin had lost his patience and knew he had no mojo. None.
Try, Try, Again? A week later, Krissty from Sausalito contacted him. She was bubbly, friendly and wanted to meet him. She said she really liked his picture.
Nobody had liked this picture-until now.
According to her profile she was blonde, 39+, loved skiing, tennis, wine tasting and the opera. What’s not to like?
He wrote back immediately and agreed to meet her Saturday morning at the Starbucks in Corte Madera.
Kevin was ready! Finally, a woman found him attractive and had contacted him. Things were beginning to look up. He found the Starbucks and scored a table. He sat next to a brunette woman and pretended to read his Wall Street Journal, his eye on the door.
Only a few minutes went by before the woman on his right tapped him on the shoulder and asked him if he was “Kevin SF Giants.”
Startled, he nodded slowly and she announced that she was Kristty from Sausalito. Kevin stared. He was supposed to meet a blonde-39-year-old-tennis playing- opera buff.
This woman was 50 – if she was a day and she had long dark hair. She couldn’t be the blonde, tennis player- there had to be a mistake.
Kevin, flummoxed – mumbled and fumbled. Again, not knowing what to make of this total stranger.
“You play tennis?” popped out of his mouth. She laughed. It was a raspy, smoker’s voice and said, “No, but I love to watch it on TV.”
In time, Kevin calmed down and went through the motions. His mind was flapping back to the online photo he had glanced at, just this morning, and the woman sitting across from him. There was absolutely no resemblance. This would be a one-time-only event.
Kevin had a total of 32 first dates and no second dates.
Was he was tenacious, driven, or a hopeless romantic? Was he a klutz, a slow study or just striking out?
He claimed he had met every “possible” 35 to 55-year-old woman (under 200 pounds) within 30 miles of his ZIP code.
Kevin Learns the Ropes
In time, with practice and a spread sheet- he eventually became a more “astute dater.”
First, he devised, a formulaic introductory e-mail. Statistically, five out of 10 women responded.
Second: Two e-mails later: he invited a phone conversation and included his telephone number. He even suggested a good time for the woman to call him. Six out of ten women called him back.
Feeling confident: Kevin developed a “Top-Five Question List” that he nonchalantly pitched to each woman. He thought he was getting really good at this.
Never mind about the person on the other end of the phone was feeling like she was on a proverbial job interview.
Note to reader: Predictable questions are a buzz kill. They indicate no joi de vivre – no spontaneity. Consider canned questions:Dull times three.
PART TWO- Kevin the Romantic Scores…