Two Most Important Rules for Sexy Successful Dating

 photo_11785_20090615peacockNotes from a popular Dating at 50 Workshop

The Two Most Important Rules for Sexy Successful Dating:

1.) Keep them wanting more

and 2.) don’t give them what they want.

There. I just saved you $250.00 and two-hours of sitting on a steel-folding chair in a hotel ballroom.


Ebony Rednick*, the self-professed dating guru from Beverly Hills and author of “Don’t Put Out, Make Him Wait” had attracted 30 women to her pricey workshop that Monday night in March.

Divorced and new to the current dating game – plus several failed first dates – I wondered what I’d been doing wrong and a friend suggested I attend the timely lecture. The event was held at a trendy, boutique hotel downtown.

When I walked in the meeting room, I noticed every chair was taken except one lone chair in the front row. As I took my seat, I noticed several women knitting,  a few were on their cell phones, most were texting, and the majority looking very uncomfortable.

Were we all here for the same reason? Dating dysfunction?

Rednick claimed, on her website, that she would put the fun back into “Dys function.”

At exactly 730 p.m. a short, rather rotund, woman, entered the room dressed in flowing pants, a voluptuous tent top in shades cream, ecru, and beige. If women can swagger -she had a certain swagger. She entered the room and did a prizefighter smile: “Look at me… here I am, call me Ebony, hear me roar” entrance.

She was wearing one of those cool microphones around her head and launched into a litany of sad dating failures: ‘Are you the princess of first dates? Are you attracting Tom Cruise or Tom Arnold? Do men flock to you like honey or are you vinegar?’

When is the last time you fell in love – with something besides that 50% off pair of Jimmy Choos at Neiman Marcus?

She seemed to be a graduate of the Dale Carnegie’s School of speaking and sales. She was dynamic, she was glib, facile and she talked a mile a minute. It was obvious she done this before. A few dozen times.

I started doing the math, each of us the room pay $250 there were 30 of us. It was a 90-minute lecture with a 15-minute break and 15 minutes for questions. Not bad.

She was one smart mama.

She told the standard icebreaker jokes to get our attention, then she launched into statistics of dating online, singles cruises, singles clubs and the success rate of each.

The disadvantage of being in the front row with I couldn’t see the reactions of anybody else in the room. I could hear mild laughs, and imagined a wave of nodding heads in agreement

The advantage of sitting in the front row is that I felt Ebony and I were communicating. And I quickly realized she was communicating with everybody in that room – she worked around like a bible tent preacher with savor faire.

Ebony’s presentation was filled with rhetorical questions, dating nightmares and love stories and dating advice. She was a dynamic speaker. I wondered if anybody was taking notes.

When we broke for coffee, I noticed a tray of fabulous pastries; demi-tasse cups and French-press coffee all had arrived magically in the back of the room.

Several women flocked around Ebony with questions.

Having missed lunch and dinner, I was more attracted more to the Napoleons, the petit fours and the coffee.

From the back of the room, I noticed we were 50-50. Half of the attendees went straight to pastry and coffee and the rest went to talk to Ebony.

I asked a tall redhead who was also grabbing a quad of petit fours, what she thought of the even. Without even looking at me, she said, “Crap, it’s all crap, I’ve been to three of these lectures and it is the same message every single time.”

Totally intrigued, I asked, “So, tell me, what’s the message? I haven’t gotten it, yet. Or has it been delivered?”

The reed thin redhead was slowly pouring cream into her coffee. Still no eye contact and she said to the wall, 
”The message is holdout. Don’t put out. Wait to be called. The man is a hunter, and we, as women, are supposed to sit by the phone and wait to be called. If one does not comply with these rules then you don’t get any dates. That’s the message.”
 Whoa – that sounded a little harsh and antediluvian…

Too much like Tarzan – King of the Jungle – and Jane – Lady in waiting…I could go on with the metaphors.

A wave of discontent was running thorough the ranks: rumblings and mumblings and a lot of head shaking. A few of these heads had hit glass ceilings and weren’t willing to take a back seat…one woman, she looked like a Prada Babe, railed and went on – no way was she going to give up the driver’s seat – who was she Miss Daisy? These women might Lean In…but were not going to be run over.

Like a cheerleader – Ebony called us back to our respective seats and, instantly, was bombarded with questions – the word was out – and we weren’t going to take it anymore.

Savvy speaker that she was – she cajoled, calmed and connived…after all, she still had 30 minutes to kill.

Her message -(Sales Trick 101: do the snow ball: repeat the message and repeat it again)

“Keep them wanting more. 
 Don’t give them what they want.” We each got a ‘free’ copy of her book.


There you have it. I paid $250.00 for that sad evening in March. Ebony walked away with a fistful of dollars… Thirty women left the hotel ballroom $250 lighter and more confused.

I’m thinking the Golden Rule -
 treat others the way you want to be treated…. 
is the best advice out there
.

*All the names have been changed – book title, too – to protect the insouciant. Happy Hunting.

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