Is Eharmony cool or as slow as a glacier?

Been around the ‘Dating block’ enough times to be an official survivor storyteller?

After years of being married to Mr or Mrs Wrong and the ensuing divorce, many of us quickly sign up for Internet dating. Inspired by those romantic eHarmony ads on TV, we bite.

They say 15,000 people every day fill out the infamous questionnaire.

It can take in excess of 90 minutes to complete the extremely long questionnaire:comprised of 426 seemingly  inane questions covering 29 dimensions. Who knew there was life after the Fifth Dimension?

Finally, you pay hefty $60 for a one month membership. Harmony claims the quality of the service and that “sophisticated matching algorithm” and personality analysis, are so worth it…

Good News- Bad News

 Shortly thereafter, you receive an analysis of your personality and a description of your “perfect mate” Okay. Most of us are seduced by flattery and eHarmony will send pages of prose extolling your virtues. You may be honest, loyal, and steadfast like a Boy Scout. Or Eclectic, eccentric and exceptionally unusual.

To say eHarmony paints with a broad brush only begins to describe the way they analyze your attributes. Bottom line? We all want to see a long list of perfect match Prince or Princess Charmings. In the TV ads, couples evidently connected at breakneck speed. There seemed to be a lot of happily- ever- after- going on, right?

Hurry Up and Wait                       unnamed

Then, much to your chagrin, you learn what the term ‘glacially slow’ means. A glacier moves one tiny fraction of a millimeter of an inch every several thousand days – just like eHarmony. Okay, so my exact glacier mass measurements are fiction — but the fact thateHarmony is slow is pure fact. Be prepared to wait, for a very long time? Perhaps.

Just like Christmas Morning

Anne, an eHarmony escapee and one of the Yoga Babes said this about her so-called perfect matches: “One man lived 95 miles away and was three inches shorter than I am in my stocking feet. Lauren, a cattle rancher near Reno liked chess and NASCAR. Me? Not so much. He was ten years older than I am. Next, Frank of Santa Rosa (doesn’t anybody live in San Francisco?) was a pilot, a triathlete and made his own tofu. Granted, I have a preconceived notion about triathlons and I won’t try an athlete who trains 20 hours a week. I want a guy who likes to walk on the beach, not swims to Alcatraz; I like taking a leisurely ride through Golden Gate Park; not at breakneck speed.

The final ‘exact match’, or so they claimed, was Roland from Fresno. He liked cigars, port, his Bible and his six greyhounds- dogs, not buses. My allergies kicked in, just reading his profile. We didn’t have a thing in common.

So, what I hoped would be like ‘Christmas morning’ was more like three lumps of coal. I quit after one month of disappointment.

I’m now on Match.com and happier with the results.”

Worth a Try?

One size does not fit all and there are tens of thousands of very happy members on eHarmony.

The website is a treasure trove of opportunities.

You can order flowers, Fandango tickets, buy insurance, and, yes even  prescription drugs and there are pages and pages of pretty mild dating  advice. Seriously. It may be a perfect fit for your lifestyle and expectations.

You don’t know until you’ve done some research. Have fun on the quest.

What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?” Vincent van Gogh

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This entry was posted in Marin County, Page Larkin Marin, Relationship, San Francisco, single in Marin and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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