What’s on second, and I Don’t Know is on third.
After you’ve connected with someone online, expect The Formula. You each exchange three e-mails, followed by a suggestion for a phone call. A few phone calls, generally 2.5, (one message left on answering machine) are followed by a few more emails. Then it happens: the line drive, maybe a double play: the coffee shop quickie where you size up one another.
Some first daters bring a mental yardstick and measure the other person.
Myles H. (56, widowed, bicyclist, poet) is a classic ‘measurer upper.’ An engineer by profession, he was used to the facts, just the facts ma’am. From the moment he shook hands with a woman he had romanced on the phone and via e-mail, he was methodically measuring and calculating: Height, weight, a talker or a listener, relaxed, romantic, flirtatious, serious, open….
It took some time and many calculations before Myles H. realized The Velveteen Rabbit was a better fit – for him – than a Playboy bunny. Quality start.
Margo F. has a different modus operandi. At least twice a week, the afternoon staff at Pacific Catch restaurant in Corte Madera sees her ‘Meet men for coffee.’
She has it down to a science. Margo F. meets a man online, exchanges emails and eventually, 2 phone calls/2 Text messages later, agrees to a public meeting. She casually suggests the place near her home. The two agree upon a time. Margo says she arrives 10 minutes early, always wearing a revealing black, Lulu-lemon yoga ensemble. She carries the New Yorker, her Kate Spade purse and new iPhone 6.
She says she knows within three minutes if the man is a ‘keeper’.
If he looks like his picture, measures up to the height he claims, and if he carries on a conversation, she’s interested. If he asks questions – major points. She notices manners and the way he conducts himself. The coffee date/test could be 10 minutes or an hour, depending. Once a serious serial dater, Margo has slowed down and admits to be looking for a man who is “Kind, open, available and geographically desirable.’ It works for her. Home run.
Some singles are looking for a goal and a scoring position. Others balk or throw a few fastballs. Unless you are in the game, you’ll always be wondering; Who’s on first? and… What’s on second? Get in the game. It’s time.