Who is on First Base? Online Dating Games

What’s on second, and I Don’t Know is on third.

Abbott and Costello’s rapid-fire baseball comedy bit: Who’s on First is a perfect metaphor for the dating game. Like baseball there are wins, losses, slumps, night games and home runs.


After you’ve connected with someone online, expect The Formula. You each exchange three e-mails, followed by a suggestion for a phone call. A few phone calls, generally 2.5, (one message left on answering machine) are followed by a few more emails. Then it happens: the line drive, maybe a double play: the coffee shop quickie where you size up one another.

Some first daters bring a mental yardstick and measure the other person.

Myles H. (56, widowed, bicyclist, poet)  is a classic ‘measurer upper.’ An engineer by profession, he was used to the facts, just the facts ma’am. From the moment he shook hands with a woman he had romanced on the phone and via e-mail, he was methodically measuring and calculating: Height, weight, a talker or a listener, relaxed, romantic, flirtatious, serious, open….

It took some time and many calculations before Myles H.  realized The Velveteen Rabbit was a better fit – for him – than a Playboy bunny. Quality start.


Margo F. has a different modus operandi. At least twice a week, the afternoon staff at Pacific Catch restaurant in Corte Madera  sees her ‘Meet men for coffee.’

 She has it down to a science. Margo F. meets a man online, exchanges emails and eventually, 2 phone calls/2 Text messages later, agrees to a public meeting. She casually suggests the place near her home. The two agree upon a time. Margo says she arrives 10 minutes early, always wearing a revealing black,  Lulu-lemon yoga ensemble. She carries the New Yorker, her Kate Spade purse and new iPhone 6.

She says she knows within three minutes if the man is a ‘keeper’.

If he looks like his picture, measures up to the height he claims, and if he carries on a conversation, she’s interested. If he asks questions – major points. She notices manners and the way he conducts himself.  The coffee date/test could be 10 minutes or an hour, depending. Once a serious serial dater, Margo has slowed down and admits to be looking for a man who is “Kind, open, available and geographically desirable.’ It works for her. Home run.


Some singles are looking for a goal and a scoring position. Others balk or throw a few fastballs. Unless you are in the game, you’ll always be wondering; Who’s on first? and… What’s on second? Get in the game. It’s time.photo_BALLL-1

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