Me Talk Pirate – one day

Learning a new language can be challenging, in the best of times.

David Sedaris, my favorite humorist, describes his hilarious and futile efforts at speaking French in France in his book, Me Talk Pretty One Day. He tried and failed, much to our immense amusement.

Remember high school French and stumbling over the sins of syntax and subjective adverbs? In time you learned conjugal visits were different from conjugated verbs.    Agreed, mastering the English language is hard.                                                                    Just look at the ESL Nigerian scam artists who attempt to cleverly climb their way into you life.

Lately, there are ESL Nigerian pirates climbing aboard the virtual Love Boats of on line dating sites like Match.com and Plenty of Fish. Avast ye, daters.

The plan of attack is formulaic. Patsy X. reports she received a “wink” from a handsome man who looked like a LL Bean model. His opening line was “I’ll love you like there is no tomorrow.” Next, she said, the English began to melt like an ice cream cone in July. He continued, “I newly approach this renewed journey with caution as my feelings and heart are quick to get the best of my head. I too am not a night life person, I prefer to stay in a home or be someplace spacial.” And he concluded with, “Honest always as there is nothing that I can think of it that would it make wrong. I have a very beat off sense of humor and I am quick with wit.”

On closer inspection, Patsy X. reported the ‘quick with wit guy’ – the blonde model/citizen was, indeed, wearing a LL Bean shirt. She surmises the photo must have been clipped out of the catalog. She deleted the dude and reported the ‘fake’ to the powers that be at Match.com.

Valerie reports her “wink” came from a Burt Lancaster in From Here to Eternity look alike, sporting six-pack abs.                                     His opening line, “Hey there I am from California, the state that state governor can’t spell Well, we can’t spell his last name either, so it’s fair enough.” The first sentence was peppered with five smiley faces.

Finally, Mr. California wrote, “I have written humor texts in the past, I can share my work if you need proof (smiley face, again) Please contact and let’s further talk.” He posted 10 photos of various places in the world (extracted from old National Geographic magazines?) and four, very out of focus photos of men who faintly resembled one another. All had one common denominator: they all had black hair.                                                                            Valerie also quickly deleted the scam artist’s efforts.

Caveat Emptor. There is a movement afoot to throw these scallywags off the boat and stop the potential pillaging. Buyer beware of the scams – that am. Freebooters be gone.


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