Dreaming of dates wrapped in bacon? Labor Day jaunts and jokes

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Attend the Wonderful Sausalito Art Festival 

Arrive at the Art Festival  by ferry – or by bike… or get there early for really good parking
Labor Day Weekend September 5 – 7, 2015  

  • Saturday and Sunday 10:00am to 7:00pm
    Monday 10:00am to 5:00pm
    Fine art, music, food, and wine come together every year along the scenic Sausalito Waterfront. Come join the fun! Wear Sunscreen – meet new friends.
    One of the Bay Area’s most impressive and well attended ( seriously juried) Art Shows replete with great food, music, drinks, dancing…
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    Want to meet some people?  Scoop: Volunteers are wanted at the Festival ~~~ in all areas of Festival operations, including: security, artist relations, guest services, general operations, beverage sales, and merchandise sales…

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Dreaming of Bacon Wrapped Dates? Get thee to ‘Bacon Festival San Jose’

Get cookin: San Jose’s 2015 Bacon Festival of America
Saturday, September 5, 2015 – 12:00 pm to 7:00 pm
Cost: $10*
Located at Plaza de Cesar Chavez | Market Avenue & Park Avenue, Downtown 

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Hey! This is Bank of America Free Museum Weekend

The first weekend of each month is FREE  (BofA credit / debit card is required)…Participating Museums include: San Francisco:

  • The Contemporary Jewish Museum
  • The de Young Museum
  • The Palace of Legion of Honor
  • ~~~Oakland:
  • The Chabot Space & Science Center
  • ~~~San Jose:
  • San Jose Museum of Art
  • The Tech Museum of Innovation

imageschampagneeeThis Friday Night: North Beach First Fridays Art Crawl 

From  6:00 pm to 9:00 pm ~FREE~  The Meet Up is in North Beach at  Grant Ave.and Vallejo St.

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Friday Night Off the Grid” Fort Mason Food Truck Party 

Friday, September 4, 2015 5:00 pm to 10:00 pm at Fort Mason Center | Marina Blvd. and Buchanan St., San Francisco,

“Off the Grid is largest network of gourmet mobile food markets anywhere. Expect hundreds of vendors each week in dozens of locations around the Bay Area. Expect fabulous Food: to name a few: BBQ, Chinese Asian Fusion, Korean, Seafood, Mexican, Filipino, and American!

  • acoustic-guitar-487035__180Mark Your Calendar: September 27th Rancho Nicasio

Rock Legends Come Together for “Whistlestock”: A Benefit Concert for Whistlestop  on Sunday, September 27th Rancho Nicasio Doors open 2pm

Swinging Singles…Just Looking Singles and Super Seniors will all be there!

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Hey! Look at me! Six really bad online dating photos

Don’t Post Deal Breaker Photographs

What is wrong with these pictures? Everything.

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Dating 101 Fact: The easiest way to turn someone off is to post a really bad picture of yourself.

Take the time to select three, very current, flattering photos of you – all alone.

Skip that great snapshot of you and the gang – it begs the question: which one is he?

Nix the photos you and your kids (Smacks of : Pimp My Kids)

And skip the pix of you in a Tuxedo, ( yes, it hides a multitude of sins…)

No Selfies…no pictures of you in the bathroom mirror- ever! Good Luck

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Have a pal, a mentor, a kid take a dozen photos – outside, inside… with jacket, without…You get the idea….Select three and voila! You are ready to rock and roll.

Page.larkin@gmail.com

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Dating 101: Friends with good intentions and bad advice?

photo_1963_20060920GREAT bridege

Johnny J. (divorced, engineer, father of three adult children) dated 15 women before he met Eileen.

Small world: It turned out-many years earlier- they were both the same literature class in a local junior college.

They hadn’t seen one another in over 30 years. Their first date was breakfast in North Beach, afterwards, they walked and talked all the way to the Golden Gate Bridge.

They took a cab to Sausalito; more talking and laughter- they enjoyed a leisurely lunch at Poggio – and took the last ferry back to San Francisco and kissed another good night-for a very long time- after a 10-hour day of mutual admiration.

And so it began

The couple (both around 58) spent every weekend together and were mutually “smitten.”

One Saturday, after three months of “hot and heavy,” his sister called to invite him to a Bocce Ball tournament in Napa. He advised her he would be bringing Eileen.

The couple drove to Napa, booked a room at the Embassy Suites and spent the afternoon with his sister. Turns out, Eileen (her name ends in a vowel)  is quite proficient at B.Ball.

Two nights later, big sister called to say she loved meeting Eileen, said she was a “great gal” but said she certainly wasn’t “his type.”

shoe-270909__180Will you be my sole mate?

Johnny J didn’t know he had a “type” and was taken aback by his sister’s comment. Eileen was everything to him: friend, lover, confidante, playmate… and sole mate (they shared a fetish for shoes.)

His older, wiser, sister had a PhD and MBA- was very successful. And, she had been divorced twice. Her comment haunted him. Was she right?

Johnny J knew, in his heart of hearts, that Eileen was the woman for him- and disregarded his sister’s inane comment.

bridal-636018__180The couple got married one year later and have been married for a very happy five years.

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Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.     Joan Rivers

Wall Street is the only place that people ride to in a Rolls Royce to get advice from those who take the subway.      Warren Buffett

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Spelling Game tiles spell out Help Me

Advice…

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Psst: Want a summer romance? Start today!

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On your mark, get set, go!

Originally posted on Suddenly Single in Marin:

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 On your mark, calendar out, get set for your summer romance.

Moon…spoon…June

Instant gratification and Romance in 90 days?

 

The best selling book, “Love in 90 Days,” says 13 lucky weeks is all you need to meet the man of your dreams.

The best-selling, How-To- book, flew off the shelves of bookstores and a copy seems to be on the coffee tables and reference material for many of my single  friends and clients. Author Dr.Diana Kirschner, a true calendar girl, urges you to block out the next 90 days to successfully find your soul mate and True North. Her insightful book is filled with myriad goal setting exercises, affirmations, techniques and tips for women to attract their heart mate.

The author gives a whole new meaning to a ‘stud finder’ as she advises looking for “Studs” (seriously terrifically utterly desirable dudes) and avoiding ‘Duds’ (definitely unworkable dudes).

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Marin County – Driving a Cougar?

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Hit ’em and go get ’em! Cougars on the prowl…cougar-Kitty_180

Originally posted on Suddenly Single in Marin:


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 There are two kinds of people…

 There are those who age gracefully with
 panache and elegance

and others who go kicking and screaming grabbing for another vial of Botox or a little blue pill.

They do not go gentle into the night…or day.

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Dylan Thomas

I went to a double feature last night. I joined friends at a well-known, colorful, bar called the Golden Drachma. Its nickname is “the Drama.” I was forewarned we might encounter a rougher element: bikers, guys covered in tattoos, and hard-core boozers. We were amused to find mostly typical run-of-the-Mill Valley bar hoppers.

Ladies and Gentlemen? Oh – sorry -wrong crowd – none here…

drinxOver in the right corner of the bar, an inebriated, real-life cougar (60 plus year old…

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Top 5 Worst Break Up Lines

Donalsd_Rump237_nGuys, a word to the wise: Those corny, canned lines you come up with when you want to “Break Up” with a woman are schlock. That’s right, schlock. They’re disingenuous, false, and they are empty.

Don’t even try these on us

You know the scenario: after about six dates, a guy gets bored or totally afraid of any kind of commitment. Perhaps the woman isn’t “putting out” or he thinks a younger, blonder, hotter, woman would find him sexy and mature. He had heard, ‘Younger women dig older guys.” Cool. So, the guy decides to “Break up” using the oldest lies in the book.

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Don’t even think about telling a woman any of these five egregious lies:

  1. Babe, you’re just too good for me. I’m going to set you free.
  2. My old girlfriend called and she wants to get back together.
  3. I’m not feeling the magic anymore. We gave it three weeks. I’m moving on.
  4. Hon, it’s nothing personal. I just need some space.
  5. I’m going to lay off dating for a while.

Really? That’s all you got?

Pray tell, what thoughts are ricocheting through the mind of a woman hearing these heinous lies? “Oh, whatta schmuck.” “Can’t wait to tell the girls about this dud.” “Ta-ta Mr. Hair Club for Men.”

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A Classic Scenario: The Playboy in a Prius

Lothario: He is 50+, recently divorced. Brand new to online dating – he views it as a potential “Booty Buffet.” He wants to make up for lost time – with as many women as possible. He remembers himself as a “10” (a long, long, time ago.) When he looks in the mirror he doesn’t see the saggy, baggy body, thinning hair, the dated wardrobe. He has heard incredible stories about online dating- how women are lining up- the rules have changed- it’s a par-tay every night.

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And, it’s off to the races! 
Eventually, old Lothario – admits he is out of practice, out of shape – he is out of his league; and not quite the Casanova he thought he was. Bummer.

FACT: Younger women are looking for younger men. A few women at the bar have compared him to their fathers. Not only is the not getting “any”- younger women will allow him to buy them a drink – or drinks for all their friends – and then disappear- with the younger, hipper, cool dudes in the cool GQ outfit. Reality check.

So, gentlemen take a minute, wrestle with the concept of integrity and learn the truth will set you free.

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Best Advice: Date your decade, dude.

“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” Charles Caleb Colton

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Match my Harmony? Plenty of Chemistry? Online dating

smallwwer26831_20130808Everything I know about online dating…

In the beginning, Internet Dating, if nothing else, is two things: amusing and addictive. It’s like a drug. As a virtual virgin you find yourself sucked into hours of scanning photos and reading profiles.

At first, you conscientiously read every profile that the dating companies serve you on a silver screen. After all, you have waded through pages and pages of questions and tests. It’s a romantic Rorschach test. You’ve supplied name, rank, cereal flavor and a plethora of likes and dislikes and paid the big bucks. Throwing caution to the wind, you take the leap.   Here is a handful of well-researched points of observation:

* If a person lies about their age, Know: 55 is not the  new 35; there’s room for concern.

* If you are voracious reader, runner, writer, cook and their idea of fun is watching TV, Note: they are not going to change.

* If you are an REI, Orvis, Sports Basement person and  running, jumping, biking, hiking, spelunking, throwing, diving are your passions and your “proposed match” isn’t into any or all – dash.

* If upon meeting your “Perfect Match” and they don’t remotely resemble their photo, Caution: There are Amber lights flashing.

* If his or her profile consists of boasts and brags about all their accomplishments and two favorite words are I and I – say the magic word, “Next.”

* If their activity list is very short and consists of ‘snuggling on the couch’, and you’re an active, dynamic person with more interests: red flag.

*If you are interested in Camus and Sartre….and they said Kama Sutra – it might be a match.

* If your IQs don’t match it might be a red flag. Maybe not. However, if they ramble on about Byzantine art, quarks and metaphysics and you keeping thinking: too quirky and want to taking a quantum leap outa there. Not a match.

* If you see facets of anger, rudeness, moodiness, and addictions: Red flag.

* If you thought, he said Penn State and he really said state pen. Red flag.images

It’s a well-known fact that people are on their very best behavior on the first four dates. On approximately date number four, for the gloves come off. Did you see a flag?

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Best Advice from Page Larkin: Daters beware: Be savvy, smart and be safe. Talk on the phone before you actually meet. Ask questions. Take the time to get to know your potential date. No, Virginia, texting does not count as a conversation. You must speak on the phone – for more than five minutes.

San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at page.larkin@gmail.com.

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Girls and Boys – What’s the difference? OMG

Originally posted on Suddenly Single in Marin:

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It All Started with Eve…

FACT: The differences between Boys and Girls are titanic.

Men take a woman out on a date and afterwords ponder the Big Three Questions:

1.) Was she cute? 2.) Was she fun? 3.) And, did she flirt?

That’s all.

Women, on the other hand, during and after a date, mull, ponder, dwell and think way too much.

As they do an instant replay of the evening they determine if their date was polite, fun, attentive, sweet, kind, flirty – but not overly so- and the list goes on. And, on.When did this exhaustive female ‘Post Date Analysis’ start? What happened to “Hey, that was fun. Let’s do it again. I’ll call.” And he says, “Deal.”

Men Have Simple Needs: WD-40, a Swiss Army Knife, duct tape, a hammer, a tape measure, a barbecue, a remote control, a Giant’s winning streak, a Lazy-boy recliner…

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Sleeping – Sex and the Single Girls

photo_10108_20090419roseAre you in the mood for love: sleep or sex? Can you have it all?

Sleep

Women are generally pre-disposed to comfort; we have a penchant for sensual fabrics: lofty, light, down comforters and pillows- lots and lots of pillows.

While we may not count sheep – we count threads. If a sheet doesn’t have a 300+ thread count and isn’t 100% Egyptian cotton – you will hear a rousing, “Next!”

There is also a love for coverlets, quilts and duvets, throw, blankets – we aspire to layers of ultimate softness and Warm Things https://warmthingsonline.com

“Warmth, all designed to cocoon one into the sweetest of dreams.”

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It is no mystery: Women love fresh flowers, fresh sheets, candlelight, music, mystery, massage, merriment… 

What is a Buzzkill?

A True Romantic Buzzkill is an unmade bed, scratchy sheets, “not-fresh” sheets, that cat in the corner staring, hard pillows, water beds, bunk beds, pictures of old sweethearts on the wall, any and all traces of old girl-friends /Ex’s. 

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Pillow Talk?  Caution: Amazon Prime – a joke or pillow Scam Sham?  Really,  who would buy a pillow for $11,000? So far, no one. Is this a loss leader? Hype? A Scam or a sham? Go figure.  Go ahead, look and gasp: Chooty & Co Luxe Polyester Throw Pillow $11,000

 Get Down, Get DownFact: Pacific Coast makes the best pillows and pillow beds. See Here

Finally: Lose Sleep over this Scam or Sham?   Ogallala Comfort Company 76-In x 80-In 800-Fill White Goose Hypo-Down Comforter, King  is $3400.00. Really?

 

Sex – What say you?

Sex is emotion in motion.     Mae West

Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.     Marilyn Monroe

 A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after.     Gloria Steinem

In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.     Nora Ephron

Sex is… perfectly natural. It’s something that’s pleasurable. It’s enjoyable and it enhances a relationship. So why don’t we learn as much as we can about it and become comfortable with ourselves as sexual human beings because we are all sexual?     Sue Johanson

Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk — real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious.     Jack Kerouac

The way you make love is the way God will be with you.     Rumi

I like threesomes with two women, not because I’m a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I’m a romantic. I’m looking for “The One.” And I’ll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time.     Russell Brand

Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.      Andy Warhol

I’m a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone’s life.   Mitch Hedberg

For Great Sex Advice-  Look for  books by Isadora Alman – once the High Priestess of Sex Advice in San Francisco – she was a risqué, tell it like it is – or should be –  Dr Ruth  before Dr Ruth.

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Hello, Pluto! Ready for Your Close Up?

photo_14917_20091014Discovered in 1930, Tiny Pluto is the 2nd closest Dwarf Planet to the Sun.

In 2006,  Little Pluto got the boot.  The powers that be dismissed Small Pluto as a real planet and put it out to pasture- naming it a Dwarf…

At one point it was classified as the 9th  planet.

Itsy Bitay Pluto is also the second most massive dwarf planet with Huge Eris being the most massive.

Who knew?
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It appears Half-pint Pluto has a Heart shape form on it’s surface.word hears

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Joy!  Ten years in the making and we have photographs of  pint-sized Pluto starring in the headlines of every important newspaper on the globe.

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Ripped from the Headlines.”

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