Cougars and Grandpaws on the prowl

There are two kinds of people…

There are those who age gracefully with imagescoupanache and elegance… and others who go kicking and screaming grabbing for another vial of Botox or a little blue pill.

They do not go gentle into the night…or day.

Do not go gentle into that good night,

Old age should burn and rave at close of day;

Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Dylan Thomas

I went to a double feature last night. I joined  friends at a well-known, colorful, bar called the Golden Drachma. It’s nickname is “the Drama.” I was forewarned we might encounter a rougher element: bikers, guys covered in tattoos, and hard-core boozers. We were amused  to find mostly typical run-of-the-Mill Valley bar hoppers.

Ladies and Gentlemen… oh – sorry -wrong crowd

Over in the right corner of the  bar, an inebriated, real-life cougar (60 plus year old woman) struck up a conversation, mainly using body language, with a 20-something kid with a baseball cap askew. She draped herself over the man-boy, massaging his legs while he watched. Mrs Robinson was on a mission and the lad was up for the event.  Real drama at the Drama…The floor show garnered much attention.

And in the second corner: an aging, overweight, Don Juan:  gold Rolex flashing, multiple gold chains, clad in a Tommy Bahamas shirt –  a Tony Soprano look-alike.  At first blush, it appeared he was with his daughter. However, it became apparent she was his ‘date’…

My uncle, a fishing guide in Argentina,  taught me a lot about ‘catch and release’ and hooking a big one. This scene involved a lot of flounder.


Big Daddy( GrandPaw)  was pulling out $100 bills out of his shirt pocket and waving them before the young woman seated across from him. As she leaned in towards him  he smirked and pulled the money closer to his chest. The ancient  waitress with the beehive hairdo kept busy delivering Cosmopolitans to the young lady. Liquid courage?

Do Beehive Barbie and bartender have any kind moral obligation regarding patrons?

Fortunately, I didn’t get to see how the both games played out as my friends and I had tickets to see a replay of the vintage movie, “Some Like it Hot.”

Would we ever venture back to “the Drama?” Doubt it…

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Skip the light fantastic: nightmare first date?

Merry has a dozen Nightmare First Date Stories. Her friends “live” for her dating debacle tales. Not only is she funny, Merry is their canary – dropping down into the dating depths – checking for life and oxygen and avoiding poseurs and playboy/deadbeats.

A few friends say Merry is brave to dip in the Dating Pool at age 50.

Others think she is mildly crazy for meeting a veritable parade of men every month.

Last week, she met Dancing Fred online. He bragged about his dancing prowess and his modicum of fame – he appeared on TV – and he a had a large fan club.

Merry loves to dance and was intrigued. Finally, a man who could dance, liked to dance and was single. She bit – hook line and sinker.

After a flirty phone call, attracted to his strong, silent type, persona, she agreed to meet him Saturday night at a dance club downtown San Francisco.

She carefully picked out an ensemble: a perfect dance skirt, a flattering first date blouse (alluring – but, not too sexy) and her worn and comfortable Jimmy Choo shoes. She arrived at the SOMA  address – a huge brick building –a long line snaked around the building. She assumed there was another event at the site – many people were dressed in bizarre and crazy costumes.

Entertained and Confused by the swarms of lively people

She texted Dancing Fred, and, voila, he appeared at her elbow. He was shorter than she expected; what got her attention was his outfit: green plaid pants, a puffy, orange pirate shirt, several colorful strands of Mardi Gras necklaces and Day-Glo pink Converse hi-tops. He wore a black top hat. Strange.

He asked her if she had heard of the KOFY Dance Party  No, she had not. He led her to the front of the line of the people dressed for Halloween – a dozen people greeted and were high-fiving Fred.

The natives were getting restless and chanting, “Open the doors!”

In no time, the doors open and the masses flooded into a huge space – disco music blaring and everyone started dancing, bright lights flashing. It was a real TV studio. There were real TV cameras trained on all the dancers.

Merry didn’t want to be on TV – nor was she comfortable by the unusual people gyrating and bumping around her. Dancing Fred didn’t really need a partner; he was doing the Frug, the Twist, and the Jerk like nobody’s business. It was freaky.                             Many dancer’s costumes were kooky and outré. Within minutes, Merry was looking for an exit.

Fred was doing the Bug-a-loo with a man in a pink wig  dressed in a poodle skirt and a bikini top.

Hat is a deal breaker

KOFY TV

She escaped crazy town – texted Fred a quick excuse and disappeared. Bam! Been there- done that!

Her friends laughed at the funny story. They thought it was hysterical. Merry, on the other hand, decided to be a lot more circumspect before she jumped into a first date in the future.

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The Manly Men over moon with Dating Rules?


You’ve seen all the “Rule Books” on dating, mating, flirting, and living. Interesting, most are written by women.

Finally, a  guy called  ANON, has taken the time to create a

List of Rules From the Manly Man Point of View’.

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The original manuscript, written on a piece of binder paper and had no real scholarly pretensions. Through time, numerous readers felt compelled to enhance and embellish the edicts. What you see before you is a compendium of clever manly dictates.

Note: Because these are the Manly Men Rules they are all numbered ‘#1 ‘ for a purpose ~ each is equally as important.

1.ESPN not ESP: Men are not mind readers. We are rugged, brawny, handsome and handy – we just don’t have the ESP gene – spell it out, sweetheart.

1. Sunday Sports are of the highest importance: They’re like the full moon, the stars and the sky – our True North. It’s not the day to drag us to mall and make us hold your suitcase-sized purse as you try on 15 pair of identical black slacks. We crave Sunday Sports – be a sport – and just hand us the remote control.

1. Don’t Mall Me: Shopping is not a sport: No amount of cajoling, kidding, or kissing is going to make us think of it that way.

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1. Ask for what you want: Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work. Strong, loud, hints don’t work. Call us primitive– it is obvious your soft, whimsical and cute little hints are not effective. Do us both a favor, and clearly state what you want.

1. Your Final Answer? ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. We are very succinct. Especially during TV commercials.

1. Come to us with a problem: only if you really want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy, gossip, chatting endlessly are what your wonderful girlfriends are for. Use them.

1. Memories: Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and Void after seven days.

1. Weighty Issues: If you think you’re fat, you might be – or you are looking for a compliment… and reassurance…first, check a mirror, then come to us…and, never on a Sunday.

1. Lost in Translation: If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we really meant the other one. Honest.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done: Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. If you want company and camaraderie – ask us. After you’ve called your girl friends.

1. Commercial Value: whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during the TV commercials.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

1.Timing and Following our Bliss:  Christopher Columbus didn’t need or ask for directions and pride prevents us from breaking the mold. Work with us—that’s why God invented maps and GPS.

Moon

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A loud-talker: First and last date?


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My first and last date with a loud talker

 We exchanged e-mails for a few days before we spoke on the phone.

He was entertaining – seemingly, we had a lot in common and good rapport. He (Dave, 55, Walnut Creek resident, entrepreneur, consultant) suggested we meet halfway between our two homes at the “1968 Exhibit” at the Oakland Museum.

We met at the museum entrance and each bought our own ticket.

We agreed to first view The Day of the Dead Altars. As we entered the hallowed space with muted light and a number of beautiful, sentimental art altars- celebrating fallen heroes, friends and every day saints.

It became quickly apparent that Dave was a loud talker-straight out of that Seinfeld episode.

While others lowered their voices out of respect for the deceased, he commented on the art, the intricate details, the use of color and special effects. Lovely. I softly touched his arm, and spoke in hushed tones, thinking surely he would bring it down a decimal. He did, until his phone rang. He took the call in the museum and I walked away. He followed me like a puppy, oblivious. Fortunately, the security guard showed him the door. I could hear them in the lobby talking. Everyone could.

I wondered if it was too early in the relationship the start ‘nudging’ him.

We entered the “1968 Exhibit” and the first hall was filled with people quietly reading the timeline of that cataclysmic year in history.

As we moved slowly through the room, he peppered me with questions about where I was in 1968. I whispered short answers. I put my finger to my lips and nodded to the quiet-as-a-church-mouse crowd around us. He looked puzzled and launched into, “So, I was just a kid… blah, blah, blah.”

 Ya-ta-ya-ta-ya-ta: Seinfield Episode?

As we continued moving through various rooms, each more interesting, filled with historical kitsch, and 1960’s iconic pieces -people chatted and commented freely. Dave pole-vaulted into conversations- private or not – for the next hour. I swam away from him as often as possible.

The Real Deal breaker?

The poignant Martin Luther King tribute -a video of his last minutes and Bobby Kennedy’s eulogy at King’s funeral had the crowd huddled in front of a TV screen-silently weeping. Boring Dave broke the silence with a quote about sorrow and single soldiers – several people turned and glared at Mr. Mouth.

Then, he suggested we walk to the new Cathedral near the lake. All I could think of was: bull in a China shop-talker. I politely begged off, looking at my watch and creating an exit strategy – when an elderly couple came up and said quietly, “Sir, this is a museum, not a party. People speak softly out of respect for other patrons”.

Dave said, “What a buzz kill. Madam, this is a free country.” Alrighty then.

Oh! Look at the time!

My car was on the first level of the parking garage and I could leave and be home in less than 30 minutes. I said, ‘Goodbye, nice day, must run, Dave. And good luck.”             I didn’t look back. I was in my car, in total silence and home safe.

Lesson Learned: What will I do differently next time? I’ll talk on the phone to a prospective date – I will listen – I will ask questions and pay attention.

 

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They lived happily ever after…finally

Colleen will tell you she had a ball her first three years being newly single – jumping head first into the online dating pool.

First, she met Johnny on Chemistry.com. She met Fred on JDate, Michael on Match and then Bert and Rick and Paul and Henry on other sites.

Her married friends were enthralled with her stories. She had “dates” three nights a week- her dance card was a very full- and her stories were very funny and entertaining.       Colleen says she had been so depressed for so long she forgot how to have fun.  Her big celebratory party after the divorce was “The Beginning” of a new a chapter and a new life.

After college, she was a waitress, then a flight attendant.  She transitioned into sales and became the director.  She met Mr. Right, married, and had kids. She had numerous part-time jobs and after years of “struggles” (code: for lousy marriage) she finally had the courage to divorce her husband.

Her best friend, Lilly, the clever copywriter, helped her with her online profiles. She took flattering pictures and got her up and running in online dating world all in one weekend.

By Monday morning, Colleens’ email box was full of winks and blinks from interested men. Lilly had warned her it would be a feeding frenzy in the beginning, as she would be considered “fresh meat.”

Colleen reveled in the attention she was getting. Her first year of being Suddenly Single was entertaining and exhilarating. Year Two slowed down – her standards were higher and she met “the nicest guy in the world.” They dated, exclusively, for three years before they started living together. A year later, they were married.

That was five years ago. All is well in their world.

There are happily after ever stories …

 

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Top 20 Summer Fun Ideas

Here comes the sun.

Gear up for jazz, street theater, dancing in the streets and unique activities like hanging out under the Boardwalk

or any of these Top 20 fun Bay Area events and venues.

1. The Sausalito Art Festival is happening Labor Day weekend. Check website for Volunteering/ Free Admission opps.

2. SEE: Free Admission Museum Day –   The de Young Museum and Palace of Legion of Honor: First Tuesdays

3. Feed the ducks, walk the trails, look for alligators  at Mountain Lake Park off of lovely Lake Street.

4. Take me out to a ballgame: SF Giants  do not miss the games!

5. Ride a Cable Car half way to the stars or to Fisherman’s Wharf and play tourist for the day.

6. Take a summer time hike in and around the stunning hills and dales of Muir Woods.

7. Rent Mikes Bikes and travel over the one and only lane open on  Golden Gate Bridge together.

8. Take the ferry and go wine tasting at the Rosenblum Cellars  in Alameda

9. Get in the Swing of things: check out a ballroom dancing competition. Try the Cha-cha-cha, Samba or Swing.

10. Party on at Beach, Lake, River, pool, sprinkler – eke out as much summer fun as possible in the next 4 days

11. Skate, run, walk, bike around or even swing on the swings at a Golden Gate Park Have a cup of tea and Explore the Japanese Tea Garden.

12. Hang out at Green Apple Books– have best brunch at Restaurant Q on Clement Street.

13. Roar through the San Francisco Zoo; then cross the street, play at the beach and walk to the Cliff House.

14. Toss a frisbee in Golden Gate Park- before one of the many fabulous free concerts happening all summer.

15. Beach blanket bingo time: head over to Santa Cruz and the famous Boardwalk for fun in the sun- beware the infamous “Weight Guesser.”

16. Okay -so you missed Burning Man– find those leftover 4th of July Sparklers…

17. Play around and visit the hands on – science fair:  the Exploratorium

18. Try a 7-Day Free Trial on Hulu or HBO

19. Visit Colma cemetery – home of 17 cemeteries and look for the “six-foot-under celebrities.”

20. Check out the new hot spot:Redwood City’s Courthouse Square for jazz,dancing, and movies. Quaff Belgian Beer and dive into a Pastrami Sandwich like none other at Refuge in San Carlos

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Dating 101: Don’t ask height or weight

Hot Tips for a cool time….

Suddenly Single in Marin

Hot Tip for  Swinging Singles

In the beginning…

Listen up: Dating Newbies. Sure, you are excited- you have signed up on a dating website and people like you – they really like you. Take a breath. Slow down a little bit.  Tennis Tom in Tiburon may be hot to trot and Freddie in Fairfax may be proposing an afternoon at the Hot Springs. Buckeye101 may want to wine you and dine you – sight unseen- prior to even speaking on the phone.

Don’t.

Slow Down: Remember, online dating is not a sprint. It is a walk, a stroll, and exploratory. Due diligence is required before the first date – as impetuous as you want to be.  Exchange emails, ask questions, speak on the phone for a long time. Converse and exchange information.

Texting is for sissies.

Meeting for the first time is supposed to be fun, enjoyable, and…

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Hot New Company: Fat Nannies LLC

Hot new idea: Fat Nannies

Suddenly Single in Marin

Dear Page Larkin,

I’m dating the greatest guy who is very cool on every level. He has one fatal flaw: his job.  He owns his business and is a self-professed “Domestic Placement Specialist.”

Chad’s company is making money hand over fist. He just bought a Cherries-in-the-Snow Red 2008 Jaguar.  He was bored with the Tesla. He has a house in Aptos and Tahoe

Here’s the Deal, my single friends are offended by the name of his company: Fat Nannies.

He hires young women from England and Ireland who are professionally trained and great with kids. In additon to impressive CV’s, his primary (unspoken) employment pre-requisites are  the women should be plump, with bad teeth and big hearts.

My married friends think he is a genius.    Should I tell him what I think?

No Marry Poppins

Dear No Marry Poppins

Did he ask you what you think? It’s really none of…

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Hot Movies: Are you a Burning man or a Simmering woman?

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At the movies …It’s a “girl” thing.

Why Binge alone?

They have been called Chick flicks and Rom Coms, and now is the best time of the year to Click on Netflix and have a Movie Party.

While men get fired up and line up to see the highly touted films like Revenant    women are in other movie lines. Many ladies n love romance, escape, happy endings… And so, we flock to Beauty and The Beast.

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Top Ten Best Romantic Comedy Lists change like fashions and the seasons. In addition, everyone has an opinion. However, if you are scouring Amazon Prime  or quaking in a queue at Netflix, here are my Top Ten Classic Romantic Comedies, guaranteed to make you laugh, smile, sigh, maybe cry, and dream.

1. Four Weddings and a Funeral – The movie where many of us first fell in love with Hugh Grant and huge hats at weddings.

2. Always Be My Maybe – Netflix June 2019- Ali Wong and Randall Park – A must see! San Franciscans will notice every “flim flaw” when it is supposed to be in SF and obviously is in LA…but the story is darling and very funny.

3. Serendipity – John Cusak and Kate Beckinsale meet fatefully at Christmas, go their separate ways and, years later, fate blissfully reconnects the two sweethearts.

4. Sleepless in Seattle – Nora Ephron’s film with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan based on just about everyone’s most favorite film, “An Affair to Remember”.

5. Love, Actually– Real holiday magic with a galaxy of stars at Christmastime in jolly old England.

6. Pretty In Pink – Classic: James Spader and Molly Ringwald are sew very wonderful, on so many levels.

7. An Affair to Remember – Deborah Kerr and Cary Grant – the 1957 all time Classic Romance film.

8. Something’s Gotta Give- Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson – a new twist on a coming of age story.

9. Return to Me – Minnie Driver and David Duchovny with the very sweet theme: you got have heart.

10. The Proposal –  Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds – you can see Russia and hilarious romance in this very funny film staged in Alaska. Betty White steals scenes in the film.

I’ll buy the first drink; Tell me your Top Ten Favorite Films of All Time.

The first 10 single women and 10 single men to respond will be invited to The Larkin Film Soiree, in May at a location to be annouced via your exclusive invitation.

Send your Top Ten to Page.larkin@gmail.com

I’ll bring the popcorn!
Timely

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Is Pinterest the new free dating site?

images-57The New Free Dating Website?

Check it out and Get Interested in Pinterest

Men say that their sisters, cousins, aunts and mothers all rave about Pinterest – so they assumed it was “A no man’s land.”

Don’t dismiss Pinterest as a social media site-For-Girls-Only-No Boys Allowed. Au contraire. Is Pinterest the new, free, Match.com?

Kelly (49, single –again, HR executive, has run the Bay to Breakers three times, walked  the Dipsea Race in Mill Valley, is a beginner pastry chef and an empty-nester) has been on Pinterest for six months. She has very eclectic interests. She started collecting “Pins” – or pictures – of vintage pinup girls. Which led to Vargas pinups which led to cars, which led to an avid interest in Jaguars, her dream: a Prince of a man, hot rods, and car collections.

Mind you, Kelly has been on Match.com several times– through the years- and, virtually, struck out. On Pinterest – she felt like the ‘Princess of Interest’ with much interest in her unique pins. And, she met a number of friends- of the male persuasion – and eventually started dating Charles.

That was a year ago. They drive a hot, red Jaguar.

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JohnMark, a suddenly-single fly-fishing guide in Montana, has a passel of fabulous pictures of his favorite fly-fishing holes, rivers and streams, colorful fishing flys he crafted and a veritable book -Chamber of Commerce quality –with pictures of Montana. He decided decided to promote his love of fishing and his business and start a site on Pinterest. He had no idea it would cause such a riffle

Fact: Women fish. Fact: Women like fishermen. JohnMark reports his Pinterest Fly-fishing site was up for three days and, instantly, he had followers and likes and a whole bunch of new “friends.” And he says it’s better than OkCupid.com.

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Pinterest: The New Free Dating Site

Sure, it requires a modicum of imagination and time to create five ‘boards’ (collections of your favorite things) to aptly promote you and what you ‘like.”

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Think about it: Are you interested in sports, swimming to Alcatraz, finding the best cup of java in San Francisco, Andy Goldsworthy, Dogpatch, Pastels, The Dipsea, dogs, crafts, fishing, marathons of (—-) fill in the bank, hiking? Perhaps you have a thing for the flowers, Sunday biking or waterfalls in Golden Gate Park or the new Green Apple Bookstore, cronuts and kite-flying? Exploring and examining the City’s eclectic architecture. There are no limits.

Pinterest is Just like Match.com-  Boys and girls, alike: sign Up, select a “handle,” post a complimentary photograph, write a byline:

San Francisco dreamer (55, single, father of two) – in love with North Beach, Mama’s, Graffeo Coffee, and riding across the Golden Gate Bride to Poggios in Sausalito – ferry back – is looking for a new best friend…even a date for life. Pin me!

Next, choose four or five topics you are interested in – which show off your more “attractive self.”

And, let the hunt begin!

Enjoy the ride. Seriously, give Pinterest a look…you never know who you might ‘like’ and who may ‘like you’ even more…

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Put me in Coach: Dating Coach

Page Larkin, San Francisco Dating Coach, works with men and women to spice up their online dating profiles, update tired, old, Profile photographs and shows Singles of An Age – how to get back in the game.

Contact me at page.larkin@gmail.com

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