Summertime and the dating is easy?

Floating DevcesTwo simple rules to keep you cool as you begin writing your online profile. Rule #1. Your Dating Profile: Keep it Simple Whether you are on your virgin voyage – writing your first Match.com dating profile – or re-writing it for the tenth time, remember: Don’t tell all. Leave something up to the reader’s imagination. Coy and cute are far superior to cold, hard facts linked together like the proverbial shopping list. You may be very proud of your cool car, hot career, cats, kids, kayaking prowess, stamp collecting or church choir debut. Merely listing these attributes or accomplishments is dull times three.

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Boast Not: And, yes, it’s great your kid just graduated from an Ivy League school – however, all that bragging about your offspring (a la Pimp My Kid) might just as well be mentioned later.

Each day, there is a new parade of hopeful romantics who sign up for Match, JDate, and eHarmony and Plenty of Fish. Note: your goal is to grab attention, quietly and quickly.You must be proactive and get in the game.

#2. Don’t try this at home  

Remember: quirky isn’t cute; it’s been done and it’s a bore. The 2005 photograph of you dressed as a French maid or peeking over a Sally Rand fan may garner the wrong kind of attention. And, writing your profile – from your dog’s point of view – may have been funny for that sixth-grade assignment, but not at this juncture.

Do you have an urge to brag about your myriad accomplishments – medals, trophies, and downtown clubs? Hold off on that.  Please delete any and all references to your Ex or your nightmare divorce. No one wants to hear about it. Seriously.

Be sure to check out the competition. Take the time to look at what other people your age are writing… some will inspire, others will bore, some may spark your attention. It’s called ‘Comparative shopping’ and it works. Take the time to write a thoughtful, succinct profile.

Bravo and Kudos to you!   Congratulations for taking the first step and signing up for online dating. Three cheers for you. Remember to have fun as you navigate the waters of the dating pool. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Kick back, relax, and have the time of your life.  Plan on laughing a lot.

“Men always want to be a woman’s first love – women like to be a man’s last romance.”   Oscar Wilde

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Can you age gracefully in Marin County?

glasss photoKristie, (70 – admits to being 55) is an ex-flight attendant. She readily divulges there were a couple of husbands, a few boyfriends, a sweetheart or two, a fling here and there. And there. She says there were a handful of beaus – and way too many bozos.

She used to say, quite frankly, she needed a man in her life. She simply did not want to be alone.

In the beginning…

 She was the prom queen, homecoming queen, Miss Monroe County, Miss Dairy, then, she landed the career of a lifetime: flight attendant. All of her friends said that she had the most fabulous job in the world. They all wanted to know about pilots, the Mile High Club, play boys and all those glamorous destinations she got to visit.

Time marches on

Life, age, and gravity have all taken a toll. Kristie is always on the lookout for any facsimile of the Fountain of Youth –frequently takes herself to see Dr. Bodewell aka “Dr. Bod.”

“Dr. Bod” is one of the Top 10 most famous San Francisco plastic surgeons; his waiting room is filled with women vying for that all-important transformation.  Through the years, Kristie has had a few nips and tucks-a half dozen enhancements and various other procedures. You don’t want to know all the “The Work “ she has endured.

A New Meaning for Tiny Bubbles? She is petite; now, she’s now very well endowed; she has youthful, flawless skin and pink plump lips; her teeth resemble Chiclets. And she now has “the ass of the 25-year-old.” She claims the curvaceous “Bubble Butt” is the ‘new’ nose job.

Kristie reads a book

Last year, one very slim book changed the way Kristie thinks. As a rule, she shies away from any book over 100 pages- it’s just too much thinking for her. It’s not that she doesn’t like thinking- she does, just not too much of it.  And, long books are boring.

Somewhere, she ran across a book called The Knight in the Rusty Armor.  

Our heroine, a little ADD, thought the book was romance novel called, “A Night in the Rusty Armoire.”

Since the book was short, she gave it a look- loved it- she even read the book a second time. In her entire life, she has never read a book a second time.

Now, The New Kristie buys five copies of The Knight in Rusty Armor at a time, and gives them -to all of her friends and acquaintances. This book changed her life – just like EST did in the 1970s.

Kristie will now admit to once being totally consumed with her appearance. Looking good – no, looking fabulous -was everything to her. Slowly, carefully, she has climbed off that lofty pedestal and is embracing being “around 60.” She is a work-in-progress and a lot more fun. She will tell you she is just like “The Knight.” Then, she will urge you to read the book.

Now, a happy girl, she has updated her ‘Bucket List,’ and her ‘To Do List’ and modified her passion to look 39 forever.

An Audrey Hepburn fan, Kristie says her new mantra is:

I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day and I believe in miracles.

Audrey Hepburn

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Turning 50? Single? Get an Un-Bucket List

Originally posted on Suddenly Single in Marin:

let_them_eat cake_7Top Ten Dating Rules for Girls Over 50

 The Birthday Girls, once the brazen 49-er’s are turning 50.

The coterie subscribes to the “Life is short, kick up your heels” philosophy. On the precipice of hitting 50 – with gusto – they created their very own ‘Un-bucket list’

Through the decades, the friends have been through the highest highs and the lowest lows. Cherie B, their scribe, writes:  “At times, life was like heaven (weddings, babies, careers, white picket fences, celebrations) and like hell (teenagers, parents dying, and making ex-husbands).”

The 10 women who met as coeds at Santa Clara University have gracefully blossomed into women. At their big 5-0 celebration, they decided to kick up their heels at their favorite restaurant, Aziza and finish the night at Zero-Zero.

Statistics: Some Suddenly Single- Their Creed

As fate would have it, six of the women are single and blithely swimming in, or…

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Google the girl? Really? By all means…

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Top three best ideas to do before date

Okay, so you met a real “looker” on Match.com. She liked your profile, you liked her profile. Your interest is piqued. However, her profile is very short and sweet. Perhaps, too succinct. You politely suggest a telephone call would be in order. She agrees, asks for your number and calls you. In the course of the conversation, she mentions her last name and the city she grew up in. You do the same. You are intrigued and notice that she’s rather reticent about offering too much information. This is either very mysterious and attractive or bizarre. toys-376056__180

You’ve met “Bizarre” and never want to go there again.

In this age of social media, if you don’t take advantage of some simple, superfluous research, it is your own fault.

  1. Google the girl
  2. Check out LinkedIn and Facebook.
  3. See their Pinterest Account

 4bb1d7188f9c41efa4b0f586a90fe50b Letters to Page Larkin

 Dear Page,

You said to ‘Google the girl’ before a date and look at her Pinterest, LinkedIn accounts. I did Google her and all that came up was an obituary for her dad (included) there’s no information. Pinterest was just a bunch of pictures. Your advice stinks.    Phools Gold

Dear Phools Gold,

Eureka! You hit pay dirt. Remember lesson #1: Always read between the lines. 

The obituary notice spoke volumes. She comes from a very large family, based in The Valley, her father was once in the lumber business – later, in vineyards; all siblings (four) went to Davis to study Viticulture & Enology. Her parents were married for 60 years. One paragraph tells you a ton about her background, family life, education and interests. Pay attention.

Take the time to look at these huge clues.   Pinterest – might look like a “bunch of pictures,” however, it is also clear indicator of people’s hobbies, interests, travel, and passions (art, literature, music, architecture and fashion.)   LinkedIn is a snapshot of a career, colleagues, accomplishments and interests.   So, Mr. Phools Gold, slow down, and smell the roses and read between the lines.

You may be new at this game; learn the rules, and take advantage of information that’s at your fingertips. It will save you a lot of time and energy. Let me know how that- golden information- works for you. Peace, Page

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Letters to Page Larkin: Dating Games, deal breakers, ditch the dude?

photo_21523_20120317To Ms. Larkin,

I’m a fan and know you can figure this one out. I’m too old for dating games. I’m just an all-American, divorced, 62 yr. old male. I met a great gal four months ago. I thought we were soul mates, except for one thing: every date I feel like I’m being tested. She parades me in front of her friends; takes me to chick-flicks and museums. I can do anything once.  I don’t swing dance- she does – we did that. I like to make her happy – but feel like I am jumping through hoops. She claims she isn’t testing me. I think she has a report card going.

Give me a break Bob

To Give me a break Bob

So you’ve met a potential soul mate, she takes you out of your comfort zone and you try totally new experiences. Kudos to you for stepping out of comfort and into a challenge. The best thing to do is to talk about how you are feeling. Let her know what makes you uncomfortable and start introducing her to your favorite past times. You’re doing great! Gold stars for you, Bob.

Ms. Page Larkin,

George (65) and I met on Chemistry and we’ve been dating three weeks. He admitted he has a “Deal breaker” list. Now he tells me he the “Naked” Truth, he lives for H.A.I and Harbin Hot Springs and just now told me is semi-polyamorous. I’m an old-fashioned 56-year-old woman- and only date one guy at a time. We really dig one another, but, I’m not doing ‘shares’ with anyone. Ditch the dude or hang in?

Karalee

Ms. Karalee,

You sound like a woman who knows what she wants. Before jumping ship, talk to George and tell him your feelings about dating multiple partners. If you both are in that first blush of ‘Dating Around’ and exploring options, tell him. It is always a good idea to set parameters and discuss exactly what you are looking for in a partner. Ask questions before “Ditching the dude.”

Peace, Page

Dear Page,

I’m a 61 year old, divorced twice, man looking for a date for life. I have been around the block and over the hill. After 3+ years on Match.com and a hundred dates, I know I am interested in finding what I want, more than just sampling different women.

You’re right about the way we ‘Buffet Date’ and the Candy store idea. I’m tired of that. Page, please tell women to stop playing games and that guys are working hard at this dating stuff.

Danny Boy in Brisbane

Dear Danny Boy,

Thanks for the comments. Yes, women want to know what men are thinking. And, you are right:  we all need to be a whole lot nicer to one another. Good luck and have fun.

Hey, Page Larkin

Two months ago, I was inspired by your “prompt” and the TV ads and I signed up for EHarmony. I’ve had 20 dates with all kind of guys – some good, some bad. I’m bored with the long wait time. What do I do next?

Annie Santa Clara

 Hey, Annie Santa Clara

Good for you for taking the plunge and trying your hand at Internet dating. It takes nerve and a sense of adventure to give it a whirl. Let’s fill in the blanks here: 20 dates in two months and not one keeper? What are the Top Three Qualities you are looking for in a date? Remember, Prince Charming is already taken.

Are you regulated by a strident “Must Have” list, or are you open to meeting men who don’t exactly match your picture perfect portrait? For comparative shopping, try a free site like Plenty of Fish or OKCupid. Try, Try, again with an open mind and an open heart.

Peace, Page

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San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin, welcomes your feedback, questions and queries at Page.Larkin@gmail.com Don’t miss a single Page Larkin column — click the Subscribe button at the top of the page.

 Hey, kids, remember:  Hit ’em, go get em, slide to either side, pick up dirt, throw it at a reindeer and don’t forget to have fun out there.

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Check out this online dating scam

SONY DSCBuyer beware on Match.com?

Each week, readers send in their most outrageous tales of online dating scams. Some are good, some are really bad and some are ugly.

The Scam of the Week:  What is Truth?

He lives in San Francisco, went to Cal, and has that second home in Monte Carlo. He is 6’2, has silver hair and says he is an entrepreneur; he works out 1-2 times a week and says he makes $150,000 a year. He is picture perfect – his handsome photo is as though it is out of a catalog – wait – it is from a catalog.

Without any editing from this end – Catalog Man writes: “I am a SF Bay area native, graduated Berkeley, although I have lived in New York, while working there I can safely say to you, I am reliable, punctual, humorous, evolved and I do not misrepresent anything about myself. Mymodesty, please!”

Given the grammar and sentence structure, it is safe to say he didn’t study English at Berkeley. And what pastimes and hobbies does the debonair entrepreneur enjoy? “Baseball, chest and usually watching Movies and frequenting restaurants and playing tennis…I trade Stocks/Bonds and aware of most events in the world”

You have to like a guy who frequents restaurants and ‘watches movies’ and plays “chest.” And, he is ‘Aware of most events in the world’. That’s hot. No, you can’t make this up – but he did, and it makes for an entertaining read.   Caveat Emptor, kiddies,

OMG

When it comes to describing his faith, Catalog Man waxes purely nonsensical as he writes, “I am not Atheist nor Agnostic. The natural world is amazing. Yet it’s hard for me to believe that the viewable universe and dimension we live was formed just by Noble gases and Complex Carbon compounds…So I believe in a “living” Higher Power or God.”

And the piece d résistance, Mr. Scam I Am writes, “I am very picky in my associations with people and women. Not perfect by any means, but considerate of others as to myself…” This Match.com profile is as holy as a Belgian lace hankie.

Buyer always beware: Whether it is the sweet, young, kindergarten teacher from Ohio who winks at you or the dashing Catalog Model from San Francisco who loathes “snapshots” and winks every day for a week: exercise caution.

Only you can prevent the scam attack. For every scam, there are dozens of fine, well meaning, sincere singles waiting to meet you. Have fun.

Be careful out there.A warning sign for the public

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Dating deal breakers: Getting to “no” you

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Four Deal breakers – Let’s call the whole thing off

 Nancy (52) fell in love with Larry online. He was charming and witty and urbane. She stopped dating Larry (60, retired stockbroker, bicyclist) after three dates because, in person, he swore like a #@!? sailor.

Not Puppy Love? 

It turns out, Chellie drives with her dog, Snowflake, in her lap. And, evidently, the dog sleeps with her, too. Ron gave it four dates before he “quit” her. “And the little dog, too” was simply too bitchen for him.

Something better will come along?

Both freshly divorced, Tia (49, painter, waitress) and Calvin (53, writer and waiter) dated for four months – exclusively, madly, passionately – until Calvin decided he was merely ‘enamored’ and she was in totally in love. He explained he wanted to “Date around and explore his options before committing to anyone.” The guy, a.k.a. Peter Pan, is 53. Grow up, darling.

 Never never land

Trish and Bob (both late 40s) met online and exchanged e-mails for two weeks before their first date. Their imaginations were soaring high. Romantic Expectations and dreams, were stratospheric. This is dangerous territory. Note to Suddenly Singles: never allow two weeks to transpire before meeting in person.

On their initial date, Trisha was over-the-moon with high hopes. He mentioned his favorite car was a Jaguar X KE, which she expected him to arrive in. She envisioned him to be wearing expensive and eclectic clothes from Wilkes Bashford.   He expected her to be younger, slimmer, more flirtatious and sexually available. They agreed to meet at Starbucks- and they barely recognized one another. It was a mumbling, bumbling, first and last date – clouded by expectations and fantasy. Kids, do not try this at home.

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Mistakes are the portals of discovery.

James Joyce

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Happy 75 years Golden Gate Bridge!

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Happy 78 Years Golden Gate Bridge

Originally posted on Suddenly Single in Marin:

                     The Golden Gate Bridge Poem

                                          Strauss PoemsWritten by Joseph P. Strauss, Chief Engineer,               Golden Gate Bridge and Highway District

The Mighty Task is Done 

The Mighty Task is Done Written upon completion of the building of the Bridge in May 1937

At last the mighty task is done; Resplendent in the western sun The Bridge looms mountain high; Its titan piers grip ocean floor, Its great steel arms link shore with shore, Its towers pierce the sky.

On its broad decks in rightful pride, The world in swift parade shall ride, Throughout all time to be; Beneath, fleet ships from every port, Vast landlocked bay, historic fort, And dwarfing all–the sea.

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Who is on First Base? Online Dating Games

Originally posted on Suddenly Single in Marin:

What’s on second, and I Don’t Know is on third.

Abbott and Costello’s rapid-fire baseball comedy bit: Who’s on First is a perfect metaphor for the dating game. Like baseball there are wins, losses, slumps, night games and home runs.

Who

After you’ve connected with someone online, expect The Formula. You each exchange three e-mails, followed by a suggestion for a phone call. A few phone calls, generally 2.5, (one message left on answering machine) are followed by a few more emails. Then it happens: the line drive, maybe a double play: the coffee shop quickie where you size up one another.

Some first daters bring a mental yardstick and measure the other person.

Myles H. (56, widowed, bicyclist, poet)  is a classic ‘measurer upper.’ An engineer by profession, he was used to the facts, just the facts ma’am. From the moment he shook hands with a woman he had romanced on…

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Please Don’t Feed the Cougars

A choreography of Cougars

 Don’t you love the clever names for the groupings of birds and mammals?

  •  A flock of seagulls
  • A pride of lions
  • A glaring of cats
  • A choreography of cougars

Thursday nights at the Rosewood Bar Palo Alto  is infamous for the choreography of Cougars pacing the bar looking for an easy Mark (Tim, John, or Steve.)

Cindi, Lindee, and Mindey all dressed up and somewhere to go Rosewood – The Bar

These three women – dressed to kill, personify Cougars on the prowl. Some Silicon Valley guys just belly up to the bar on Thursdays to have a drink and watch the feline floorshow. The Trio works the room with short-hand menu of carefully choreographed cues.

After a naïve, unsuspecting, Target has graciously offered to buy all three a drink…drinks arrive – sip, sip – wink, wink and Cindi leans in, very close, put her hand on the guy’s hand and whispers that the trio is going to the loo. Stunned, the victim looks at the knot of mercenaries, pick up their $14.00 Martinis as they disappear.

It is no secret, Silicon Valley is rampant with geeks and nerds and the socially awkward. Is fertile ground for women on the stalking circuit.

Vanity Fair published a hilarious piece about the choreography of cougars slinking around the bar at Rosewood. Like moths drawn to a light, the nerds, the geeks, the dweebs and nimrods flock to the bar…hoping, wishing, one of the older women “in dresses as tight as sausage casings” might let them buy them a drink. Cheers, boys – buckle up! It is going to be an expensive ride.

Check out: Three Distinctive Traits of a Cougar

  1. Those who are running, biking or crouched over a drink are especially tempting to a cougar.
  1. Though some of the documented cougar attacks have occurred in broad daylight, cougars are most active Thursday nights night, so stay indoors between dusk and dawn.

3. Cougars like to eat, which increases the likelihood that one will start hanging around your table at a restaurantSONY DSC

“Take, for example, the African jungle, the home of the cheetah. On whom does the cheetah prey? The old, the sick, the wounded, the weak, the very young, but never the strong. Lesson: If you would not be prey, you had better be strong.”
G. Gordon Liddy
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