The Re Date, also referred to as a déjà vu date, is a new dating phenomenon widely embraced by singles today. Dusting off your little black book and reconnecting with people you’ve dated in the past, is now deemed both smart and comfortable, as well as a ‘no-brainer’ and a ‘second chance at love’.

Webster might define a Re Date as “an engagement to go out socially, again, with a person from your past, as in: someone you dated – previously. Second chance.”

Everyone knows there are myriad reasons dating couples break up, split up, detach, disappear, and slip away. There are a million stories in the dated city. The concept of a Re Date introduces the benefit of already knowing a person and realizing, perhaps you were too rash, at first blush. If at first you don’t succeed, Re Date.

Erik E. has been called a ‘perpetual bachelor’. He has a Blackberry, a little black book and a Rolodex filled with a plethora of names of women he has dated in the past. Let’s just say he has been a man-about-town for a decade. Or two.                He said,  “Re Dating is like a romantic breakthrough where you realize you may have passed up a potential love-of-your life, by mistake, and you want to heartily connect, again“.

It has been said, loudly and often, that scrolling through pages of pictures and profiles on the on line dating sites is very similar to a never-ending buffet line or jaunt through a candy store.

The problem: there is such a wide assortment, it stultifies. Both men and women get overwhelmed.  Minds get muddled and hearts go thump in the night.    Mistakes are made…. and we all think about: the one who got away.

The answer: Re Date. Give it a try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The Votes are in~

Best Coffee - La Coppa - Mill Valley

Best Newspaper – The Pacific Sun

Best Hike 0800 Tues – Tennessee Valley

Best Hike 0900 Sun – Phoenix Lake

Best Hike 1000 Wed -  Alpine Lake

Best Chinese Restaurant – Tommy’s Wok – Sausalito

Best Breakfast/Atmosphere   – Fred’s Place

Best Sunday Brunch with Bicycle Parade- Poggio

Best Theaters/Lark and Rafael

Best Volvo Repair – Auto 280 – SF

Best Personal Assistant – Kerryon

Best Green Cleaners – Clean Look

Best Library  -  Mill Valley

Best Performance Poet – Charselle

Best Mexican/ Salads – Picante

Best Electrical /Repair – Greenwood

Best Handymen – Bob Podesta and Bill Smullin

Best Book Store – Book Passages

Best Bank- Blithedale Branch  Bank of America

Best Hiking Guide – Barry Spitz

Best Guitars – Schoenberg

Best Everything Hardware Store – Goodman’s

Best Poetry Center – Falkirk- San Rafael

Best Local Plein Air Artist – Michael Rodman
Best Acupuncturist – Dr Barbra Custer

Best Italian/Chain – Pasta Pomodoro

Best Water Heaters – Water Heaters Only

Best Lumber Store – Rafael Lumber

Best Acting -Voice Coach – Terry McGovern

Best Film Festival /Mill Valley Film Festival

Best Paint Store- Tamalpais Paints

Best Comfort Food – My Nonnis Raviolis and Meat Sauce (@mollie stones)

Best Music on a Week day Night- Cafe Divino – Sausalito

Best Tiles – Italics – San Rafael

Not a Trivial Pursuit

Q. What happens after you bang the drum slowly? A. Broken Drum

Granted, the trivia questions posed by trivia- king Howard Rachelson Wednesday nights at the Broken Drum in San Rafael are more erudite and entertaining. If you like Jeopardy, trivia, facts and fun, Trivia Nights at the Broken Drum is your cup, Darjeeling. Howard writes a weekly trivia column for the hugely successful newspaper, the Pacific Sun. Both are legendary in Marin County. Howard’s Trivia is competitive, fun and as entertaining as a four-letter word referring to the underworld.

Where the Girls ARE in Marin ~ See  Meetup.com – Marin Hike and Stroll – Activities every week – and some Meet Up.com  groups:  every night  ( hiking, imbibing,  going to shows, film night, pumpkin carving…Any Single Guy who wants to meet women in a relaxed atmosphere: pay attention)

Behind the Red Door: Taize at Trinity Church ~ San Francisco

You enter the pitch-black church (Trinity Church), lit only by a burst of ruby red candles lining the altar and an array of glowing, golden candles flickering on the side altars. You pick up a lighted votive candle and a handout. Take a seat in the front of the serene, beautiful stone church. The evening starts with a reading (could be Rumi, Thoreau, Wayne Dyer, Bible) and the amazing lead singer begins with hypnotic chants. Sometimes the people in the pews are vibrant other times quiet and meditative. Go solo or bring a date or a friend. Sit close and share the candle and chant along with the rapturous singing. A night to remember.  7:30  Donations welcomed.

• Tipple- at the Alembic on Haight – Small Plates and exquisite cocktails

• Imbibe – at the City’s best and newest Wine Bar, Yield Enjoy frequent special pairings and parties.
• Tut Tut -See the Boy King at the DeYoung and plan to be there for the action ‘Friday Nights at the Deyoung’.
• Wave- Frolic at breathtakingly beautiful Stinson Beach - 51 acres of spectacular beach. An infamous  challenge to find and worth it.
• Kick it with Krikkit – Marin Hikes on Meetup.com
• Get High- San Francisco Helicopter Tours You’ve already done Coit Tower, the Transamerica building, and top of the Bank of America World  headquarters – now, try this!

Elbows off the table. Man overboard*. Napkin on your lap. Sit up straight. Knife and fork rest on the plate together, side-by-side. Stand when a lady approaches the table. Hold the door open for another. Remember the ‘Magic Words: please and thank you.
All of the above were ‘manners messages’ that many of us grew up hearing. The run- away best seller of 1922, ‘Etiquette’ by Emily Post,  was deemed the definitive book on good manners for decades.
*That was code for removing a soup spoon from the bowl and placing it on the plate.

Thank you notes passé?

There was a time when all men wore hats and walked nearest to the curb to protect the lady, in her full voluminous skirts, from the possible puddle splash of a passing carriage. Hats are gone. Are good manners next?
A quick exit poll at a local 24-Hour Fitness spoke volumes about the practice of writing thank you notes. Asked the last time they wrote a thank you note, nine (30-somethings) responded, sheepishly…”In college or high school.” Five responded, “Frequently” and five asked, “What’s a thank you note?”

Entitlement or lousy manners?
You be the judge. Some say you have the responsibility to teach your children, nieces, nephews and grandchildren the value of good manners and saying thanks. Emily Post waxes rhapsodic about the proper ink, handwriting, verbiage, and length of a note. Nowadays, short and sweet gets the job done elegantly.
Fact: saying thank you is not old-fashioned. It is savvy, smart, and displays intelligence and good taste. The holidays are upon us. This means a flood of opportunities to get and receive gifts and invitations. What do you say? Thank you for taking the time to read this. May I please be excused?

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you’, it will be enough.”
Meister Eckhart

The First Date and trick-or-treating are hauntingly similar.

Both require identical preparations and both are all about wear and where.

Wear?
Getting ready to go trick or treating on Halloween
and on a first date you spend an inordinate amount of time putting together your ‘outfit’. You want to make a statement. You forage through closets and drawers to select the right thing to wear. Women often aim for hauntingly beautiful or the girl-next-door costume. Guys- better to look more like a superhero – less like a monster…

Where?
Trick or treating and site selecting for a first date require that you carefully plan and plot where to go. Both parties agree to meeting in a safe, well lighted neighborhood. One naturally avoids ‘dark and spooky,’ at all costs. You agree upon the perfect witching hour. Your spirits are up and it’s time! The scariest thing that can happen?  You don’t look like your picture. One of you is spooky, kooky or creepy. Your costume is all wrong. At the end of the night, you want to think, “Sweet!”  You don’t want to walk away thinking, “What a witch.” or “What a monster.” and return home empty handed.

Remember: A few kisses are good. You want to avoid sours, Nerds, Screaming Yellow Zonkers, Snickers, jaw-breakers and gobstoppers. Skip the tricks and pranks, have fun and go straight for the ‘treats’.

Happy Haunting~

Can Fantasy and Football be used in the same sentence?

It’s back. Football season has started and for some (men) it is a fantasy – for others (women) a nightmare. If ever there was a ‘control issue’ it has to be – not remote – but thriving in living rooms, dens, family rooms across America. The great debate continues: how many hours can a guy watch football on TV every weekend? This is a trick question. Go ahead: consult your tea-leaves, the phone tree, and your oracle at Delphi. Call your psychic. There is no concrete answer. Some say, as long as there is a football game on TV– men will watch. Others refine their football viewing to specific teams.

Hey, boys… there is a reason a woman invented TIVO.

Ladies, football is a tough act to follow. Take it from me, this is the one time you can try to make a pass at your beau, you can allude to a ‘touchdown’ or “hang time” As long as he has his 3R’s: Recliner, Refrigerator, Remote Control and football, include him out. You are merely interference and an encroachment.

 

If you are like many American women – you’ve tried to make a pass, you scramble for his affection. Darn, false start. You’ve given him a two-minute warning, No response. You’ve felt rejected, dejected and down-and-out. You’ve even gone so far as to make a second very forward pass. You want to play and he wants to watch.

Men and football…best advice: ladies, understand: You don’t have the home- field advantage. You can easily and quickly learn to enjoy the game or enjoy some hang time with other football widows. Get your backfield in motion, say a Hail Mary and roll out and go shopping for yardage, Feeling creative? Get in the spirit of things and make a red shirt. That’s code. Code for pursue your own fantasy and play.                                   Go see a chick flick, go for a jog, a hike, grab the kayak, take the dog to the dog park and have fun.   He’ll be yours after the game.

So many choices ~ so little time. It’s hot!
This is the most exciting week of the year in San Francisco and Mill Valley

Litquake-San Francisco’s best party ever with venues so vast and varied it appeals to the well read, the wanna be well read, writers, editors, the curious and the party people. Bravo to the erudite San Francisco restaurant and bar owners who host next Saturday’s fabulous Literary Pub-crawl. Check out Noir Lit, Chick lit, writers with drinks and scripts, and the verbal virgins who are reading for the first time, and the Extraordinary Examiner.com columnists. You might like Goth, punk, and Amy Tan however, pa  attention to the new book of : Tamin Ansary, author of the fascinating, riveting:  West of Kabul East of New York. Stop ~ Look ` and Listen  to  Peter Beagle -
Enormous gratitude to Jane Ganahl and Jack Bouelware who created and spearhead this extraordinary and stimulating event. The City’s longest party runs October 9-17 2009

Hot  Hot  Hot ~~~The Mill Valley Film Festival – the 32nd year with hundreds of cutting edge films in Mill Valley as well as San Rafael, Corte Madera, Larkspur. Stunning lineup with special recognition to Clive Owen, Woody Harrelson, and Uma Thurmond. Check out “5 for 5″ on the Mill Valley Film Festival website.    Seek: out and line up for  The Anna Halperin film~Breath made Visible  – EXTRAORDINARY~~

Tickets are still available… Yes, they are still looking for volunteers.

It’s a Rush~

***

Internet dating is just like ice-skating.
Most of the people there have never done it before, but they try it because it looks fun and everyone is doing it.When you get on the ice, and on line, you are curious and excited and a parade of happy faces dance before your eyes. And they match you!

Every day dozens of potential heart throbs glide by your pictures and profile. You do the same, everyone is skating by one another, albeit often skating in opposite directions. Men in one circle. Women in another. Both sexes go to great lengths to wave from across the crowded ice rink, or web page, and then virtually disappear.

There is a whole lot of winking, double takes and free skating.                    But, baby, it’s cold out there. You both get and give the cold shoulder.    Occasionally, you tire of the rapid pace and you stop to catch your breath. You may bump into someone and send the perfunctory few e-mails.    Then, the next wave of winks, nods, and e-mails are in your mailbox and you have a handful of new “friends”.                     Exhilarated by the sport, ice skating/ dating you continue to go in circles and slowly realize this is might be one big single’s skate marathon.

Now and then, you meet—hook up—to compare notes and one or two things happens. Either you learn not only are their blades not too sharp, nor their wit, and the photo they submitted is ancient. Antediluvian. They have not been in 40 for 10 years. It makes you think of the first line in Kafka’s book, “The Trial”.

Or, the best thing develops: with an open mind and an open heart – you meet a kindred soul.       Hey, it happens.                                                          Gazillions (pseudo scientific term) of people meet on line every day. Hope burns eternal. Ice melts. Get out there and give it a spin.

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We are the BoomBoom Generation.

Born in the 1950’s and now discovering there is way too much hubbub and hullabaloo about who we are and what we do. Some call it mythical and others call it mystical. There is a whole lot of myth/understanding.

Are you a member of the BoomBoom Generation?

Perhaps you Blink or are at your Tipping Point?

Then you will appreciate: The Top Ten Urban Myths about the BoomBoom Generation:

1. We’re all rich
2. We’re all retiring
3. We’re hot – never healthier – never better
4. We’re building second homes
5. We’re writing our memoirs
6. The kids are gone – the nest is empty – It’s party time
7. We all play golf, tennis, and do yoga – okay, some do pilates
8. We are on cruises – all the time
9. Life has never been better- we Twitter, Yelp, Poke on Facebook, are are very Linkedin,
10. We have more time, energy, drive, and money, than is legal

To Err Dirty Laundry … or Maytags were invented for a reason

Long, long, ago – dirty laundry was carried from the hut to the riverbed. The most perfect rock for pounding was selected and people beat the living day lights out of the soiled cloth. No doubt, little Billy Shakespeare was river side pounding once or twice and thus inspired  for Lady Macbeth’s “out, out, damned spot”.       

Drying of the wet laundry – was accomplished by hanging laundry over bushes and eventually on clothes lines . One would “air” their clean, fresh, laundry.

In 1893 Maytag  invented it’s first washing machine.

Today, many of us are fortunate to have washers and dryers in our homes, our apartment buildings and schools.

Hey, it’s no longer necessary to wash and air- dry laundry in public. We’ve come along way, baby. Except…

Missed Manners

Except for all the spate of celebrities who feel compelled to air their dirty laundry.

David Letterman decided to divulge his affairs on TV – does that make it right?

Does this qualify as TMI? I don’t want to know any details – sordid – or sorted  -for better ratings.

“It’s easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission”.~Rear Admiral Grace Hopper

Letterman took the easy way out~~with a straight face.