The ‘first date’ is your final chance to win and woo the person sitting across from you.

No amount of flirty, cute, prelude e-mails are going to erase bad manners, false information,

or outdated pictures.

The minute you walk into the coffee shop, café, or museum for that momentous first date – if you’ve posted picture that is five or 15 years old, your date will be instantly  a) disappointed b) disinterested c) shocked. d) all of the above. You can count on it.

Save time and energy by posting three recent photos of yourself – (without the big hat and huge sunglasses)  the truth will set you free.

We’re not in college anymore, Toto

Jacob, 56, accountant, ski fanatic was a blue-eyed, blond, hunk in college. Time travel 30 years ahead and now he is a grey haired, skier-biker, bachelor. He thought the good-looking college photograph of him in ski clothes would track a bevy of ladies. It did.  Unfortunately, the “disconnect” was meeting Jacob for the first time and realizing he barely look like the photo he posted.

Hide and Seek 

Randy reports his first a date with SFLady was a nightmare- although they had spoken on the phone twice and seem to have much in common- when he walked into Peet’s Coffee- he walked right by her, twice. She, too, had posted an ancient picture of herself and barely resembled the antique photo.  To say he was put off- only barely describes his reaction to her integrity and authenticity

Too much of a gentleman, Randy did not comment on the fact that her picture was extremely outdated and a lie.  They had a polite conversation and Randy excused himself and wished SFLady good luck. He debated whether or not to comment on the fuax photograph and decided against it.  Instead, he told me and I’m telling you: it doesn’t work –  don’t waste time posting an outdated picture

 

 

If you’re thinking about getting in the dating game- give it a try –

Contact me page.larkin@gmail.com and let’s work together to get your online dating profile up and running.

Why waste another day?   Now, go outside and have some fun!

 

 

 Clay is one of the most tenacious trial attorneys in California.

He keeps long hours, lives in a drop-dead gorgeous penthouse on Nob Hill and has no social life.  His little black book -his social register -lists women he takes to the symphony, opera, and art openings or to the odd fundraiser.

He has been divorced for 5 years, his kids are “launched” and he has zero family on the west coast.  A senior partner in a huge law firm, he has more money than Croesus, has the cabin at Vail and a small villa in Mexico.  He recently called me to report he was finally, “Ready and willing to date.”

 When I asked him to describe his “Dream Date” he said he was looking for an  “Ivy Leaguer, a professional and preferably another attorney,” so they could talk law, politics, and current events.”  That’s it? A man in his office had tried eHarmony and within a week found his doppelgänger date (another attorney, same age, both divorced, both had kids launched.) Clay thought that would be the ideal situation.  The customer is always right-until they’re not.

Wanted: My date for life.

 So we gave it a whirl. We worked together to get Clay’s online profile up and running.  Note: When a client has a nonexistent social life and very few interests – it is a Herculean task to get them to look attractive and interesting – and to dispel the dismal workaholic- personality-effect. We decided ‘to emphasize the positive’ and mention skiing, the gym, the kids and his love of San Francisco and his wish to explore the City and spend more time having fun.  Clay was not shy about announcing he was looking for a “date for life”.

 

Take Two: Another Approach

Three months and eight dead-end dates later on eHarmony – Clay realized he did not want to mentally spar with someone, to debate the national debt crisis or talk about law. He realized he had better rapport with the waitress at the local diner than he did for the parade of beautiful, smart women from eHarmony.  He was beginning to see the light.

 

 If at first you don’t succeed try,  try, try…

So we tried again- he deleted his ‘must be Mensa shopping list’ and decided to look for attractive women -in his age group, geographically acceptable –with whom he might have something in common.  What a concept.  He decided he wanted to learn to establish rapport, have fun, and get back into the dating game, slowly and methodically and enjoyably.   Admittedly, he’d been away from dating for so long he was stilted and awkward despite all the flourish and banter of his courtroom career.

 Clay is out there – so are Michael, Timothy, Randall, and Ben – men looking for a woman their age (around 50) to connect with, go to a movie and dinner with – go dancing –to have fun with…  Granted, it takes time, it takes effort, gumption and tenacity and it’s a lot of fun.

 

If you’re thinking about getting in the dating game- give it a try – Contact me page.larkin@gmail.com and let’s work together to get your online dating profile up and running.

Why waste another day?   Now, go outside and have some fun!

 

Janette has joined the ranks of recently divorced.

Her divorce took a toll – took three years and cost an arm and leg – not to mention her soul.

She’s better. 
Her X told the Family Court Judge he could not afford spousal support.  All those ski vacations at Vail and Squaw and monthly Olympic Club dues are expensive. 
Mr. Conspicuous Consumption –  he never met a sale he didn’t like – got the  the 48″plasma TV – the Mini Cooper, whatta steal…

The nefarious Judge – Swayback – of San Francisco’s Finest Family Court – predictably, her blood sugar dipped – (it was close to 11:00 a.m.) fell for his song and dance. Low Blood Sugar and High and mighty Judge Marg raged at Janette – threatened and bellowed. “No Soup for you – No Spousal for you!”  The thud from the gavel slamming down could be heard – in courtrooms up and down the hall.

So Janette moved into the dowdy, little apartment in the Marina – with full intention of buying a condo
Portrero Hill – maybe. 
Then her stocks went to Hades…and finances are freaky (yes, its a bumper sticker.)

Five Suddenly Single women in Marin County have gotten together. 
 They sought sound financial advice – and are pooling resources. This spring, they are buying a charming  apartment building. 


It will be For Divorced or Widowed women only.

They are calling it the Amazon Arms.

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.
M Thatcher

“Date Watchers of San Francisco” is an animated and opinionated women’s group who meet to weigh in on topics issues, mores, and trends.

The topic du jour was “Monogamy and Polyamory.”

All agreed, the song, “Love the One You’re With“ should have been playing in the background.  As a rule, the self-proclaimed “ladies who launch” prefer to date, cohabit with, marry, and hang out with men, one man at a time.

Don’t Tread on Me – mon petite doormat Marlene, the group leader, told the parable of her friend who crashed and burned in a dating debacle. Her friend, Gayle, met the man of her dreams. They were in love, inseparable, intoxicated with one another and head over heels for 5 months.

All was sublime until Mr. Right decided he wanted to ‘date around’ while still dating Gayle.  He then wanted to know if she would be willing ‘to share him’ with a few other of his soon-to-be-intimate-girl- friends. Devastated and direct, a resounding, “No!” was her quick and very succinct answer.

Mr. Right was perplexed, self-absorbed and gone.

Although she was saddened by the experience …and the loss…she learned a lesson and shared her feelings.

She was a whole lot wiser for the experience.

Q. What you get when you cross a polyglot with a polyamorous?

A.  Someone who can cheat in six languages.                                                            

The 3 R’s: Recycle, Refer and Re- date for Romance

You are invited to the “Let’s Get Green Party ” Saturday, April 20,

http://earthdaysf.org/earth-day.html

10AM – 6PM   at the San Francisco Civic Center

Way back in a groovier time, 1970, 20 million people participated in Earth Day across the United States.

In 2013, it is anticipated over a billion people, worldwide, will reduce, recycle and reuse and celebrate Mother Earth on the official Earth day: Monday, April 22, 2013

Now a global tradition, you are invited to pay homage to Earth Day and come to the party: get your Reduce, Reuse, Recycle on. Let the Celebrations Begin.

San Francisco – always ahead of the game is celebrating Earth Day, today..and tomorrow and forever. It’s what we do.

Jane in San Mateo writes, “Her New Year’s Resolution was to date as many men as necessary to find her boyfriend-for-life.” She signed up for speed dating and Match.com. She kept a journal of each and every date. After a few months, she met Barney at a speed-dating event. They are a ‘Love at first sight – Happily ever after’ anomaly.

The story gets better: Jane started fixing her girl friends up with guys that didn’t she didn’t match or click with. She took recycling boyfriends to a whole new level.

Re-Dating: Sheyenne has a little black book and calls guys she dated a year or two ago – and asks them out for a night of dancing at the Sea Horse in Sausalito. You never know if the chemistry has changed or improved.

Friends introducing friends – now there is a ‘hearty’ concept. Who can you recycle? Think of one guy and one girl – who might be a “match.” Introduce them. Play it forward – be a matchmaker.

Sweet – chocolate – dreams…

Notes from a popular Dating at 50 Workshop

The Two Most Important Rules for Sexy Successful Dating:

1.) Keep them wanting more

and 2.) don’t give them what they want.

There. I just saved you $250.00 and two-hours of sitting on a steel-folding chair in a hotel ballroom.


Ebony Rednick*, the self-professed dating guru from Beverly Hills and author of “Don’t Put Out, Make Him Wait” had attracted 30 women to her pricey workshop that Monday night in March.

Divorced and new to the current dating game – plus several failed first dates – I wondered what I’d been doing wrong and a friend suggested I attend the timely lecture. The event was held at a trendy, boutique hotel downtown.

When I walked in the meeting room, I noticed every chair was taken except one lone chair in the front row. As I took my seat, I noticed several women knitting,  a few were on their cell phones, most were texting, and the majority looking very uncomfortable.

Were we all here for the same reason? Dating dysfunction?

Rednick claimed, on her website, that she would put the fun back into “Dys function.”

At exactly 730 p.m. a short, rather rotund, woman, entered the room dressed in flowing pants, a voluptuous tent top in shades cream, ecru, and beige. If women can swagger -she had a certain swagger. She entered the room and did a prizefighter smile: “Look at me… here I am, call me Ebony, hear me roar” entrance.

She was wearing one of those cool microphones around her head and launched into a litany of sad dating failures: ‘Are you the princess of first dates? Are you attracting Tom Cruise or Tom Arnold? Do men flock to you like honey or are you vinegar?’

When is the last time you fell in love – with something besides that 50% off pair of Jimmy Choos at Neiman Marcus?

She seemed to be a graduate of the Dale Carnegie’s School of speaking and sales. She was dynamic, she was glib, facile and she talked a mile a minute. It was obvious she done this before. A few dozen times.

I started doing the math, each of us the room pay $250 there were 30 of us. It was a 90-minute lecture with a 15-minute break and 15 minutes for questions. Not bad.

She was one smart mama.

She told the standard icebreaker jokes to get our attention, then she launched into statistics of dating online, singles cruises, singles clubs and the success rate of each.

The disadvantage of being in the front row with I couldn’t see the reactions of anybody else in the room. I could hear mild laughs, and imagined a wave of nodding heads in agreement

The advantage of sitting in the front row is that I felt Ebony and I were communicating. And I quickly realized she was communicating with everybody in that room – she worked around like a bible tent preacher with savor faire.

Ebony’s presentation was filled with rhetorical questions, dating nightmares and love stories and dating advice. She was a dynamic speaker. I wondered if anybody was taking notes.

When we broke for coffee, I noticed a tray of fabulous pastries; demi-tasse cups and French-press coffee all had arrived magically in the back of the room.

Several women flocked around Ebony with questions.

Having missed lunch and dinner, I was more attracted more to the Napoleons, the petit fours and the coffee.

From the back of the room, I noticed we were 50-50. Half of the attendees went straight to pastry and coffee and the rest went to talk to Ebony.

I asked a tall redhead who was also grabbing a quad of petit fours, what she thought of the even. Without even looking at me, she said, “Crap, it’s all crap, I’ve been to three of these lectures and it is the same message every single time.”

Totally intrigued, I asked, “So, tell me, what’s the message? I haven’t gotten it, yet. Or has it been delivered?”

The reed thin redhead was slowly pouring cream into her coffee. Still no eye contact and she said to the wall, 
”The message is holdout. Don’t put out. Wait to be called. The man is a hunter, and we, as women, are supposed to sit by the phone and wait to be called. If one does not comply with these rules then you don’t get any dates. That’s the message.”
 Whoa – that sounded a little harsh and antediluvian…

Too much like Tarzan – King of the Jungle – and Jane – Lady in waiting…I could go on with the metaphors.

A wave of discontent was running thorough the ranks: rumblings and mumblings and a lot of head shaking. A few of these heads had hit glass ceilings and weren’t willing to take a back seat…one woman, she looked like a Prada Babe, railed and went on – no way was she going to give up the driver’s seat – who was she Miss Daisy? These women might Lean In…but were not going to be run over.

Like a cheerleader – Ebony called us back to our respective seats and, instantly, was bombarded with questions – the word was out – and we weren’t going to take it anymore.

Savvy speaker that she was – she cajoled, calmed and connived…after all, she still had 30 minutes to kill.

Her message -(Sales Trick 101: do the snow ball: repeat the message and repeat it again)

“Keep them wanting more. 
 Don’t give them what they want.” We each got a ‘free’ copy of her book.


There you have it. I paid $250.00 for that sad evening in March. Ebony walked away with a fistful of dollars… Thirty women left the hotel ballroom $250 lighter and more confused.

I’m thinking the Golden Rule -
 treat others the way you want to be treated…. 
is the best advice out there
.

*All the names have been changed – book title, too – to protect the insouciant. Happy Hunting.

Get These Top Ten Things Out of Your Closet:

Are you   ‘suddenly single’   and new to the  dating game?

.

And are you and Fashion ‘Strangers in the night’?

  Say  ’Hello’ to 2013: Now is the time to get with it.

Here’s a Quick Tip Sheet on What Not to Wear:

 NOTE: If any of the following items are in your closet, gently remove them, fold them and place them into a recycling bag.  Promptly deliver them to Goodwill or Salvation Army. Don’t look back.

1. Gray sweatpants – don’t even ask

2. The fanny-pack – even the name is egregious
3. High-waisted jeans from 20 years ago – not a good look

4. The T-shirt that says, “I’m with her” any T-shirts with “clever” sayings

5. Worn out, dirty, running shoes

6. That old baseball cap you are wearing backwards
   

7.  Those funky worn-out slippers

8. Multicolored Italian sweaters that were very in (expensive) 30 years ago

9. That comfy grandpa sweater with the holes and stains

10. All too-small shirts, sweaters, and coats that are tight around the middle

What to do next?

• Invest in a really good pair of jeans( i.e. Levi 501′s; Lucky Brand…)
  
• Get rid of running shoes and graduate to a good-looking loafer
• Lose the backpack and step up to a messenger bag
• Ever guy should have at least one good Aloha shirt in his closet
• Remember sloppy is not sexy
• Girls wear Uggs
  

And don’t even think about sneaking into your son’s closet and dabbling in his 20’s wardrobe. His uniform of Skinny jeans, Converse hi-tops, the skintight blazers, and bow ties- sorry- not for you, Binkie.

You can do this. You’ll be happier and look a lot hipper, smarter, younger…

“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or

no influence on society.”

Mark Twain

No one told me about gray sweats!

Are you a Virtual Virgin in the online dating world?

Hang around the water cooler long enough and you are bound to hear dating stories: the good, the bad and the very ugly. You’ll notice people love to repeat the horror stories. It seems, married people – especially – want to hear how ghastly and dreadful it is out there in Suddenly Single Land. Sure, they’ll be happy you met someone, but they really want to hear about the heel, the fake, and the all-talk-no-action playboy who forgot his wallet.

There are a million stories in the Dating City…



Do expect to hear a plethora of obnoxious stories: “His profile was very “Prince Charming” on the phone, he sounded like Rush Limbaugh.” “She was 15 years older than her picture” “He was 5’1 and claimed to be a jock. He must’ve meant jockey.” “All she wanted was a monthly dinner date-on me.” “He forgot his wallet, flirted with the waitress and asked for a ride home-to Novato.”

Keep listening.

And you’ll eventually hear stories like, “I met the love of my life online.” Or, “I met the most wonderful woman online. We’ve been dating six months.” “I never thought it would happen. Yes, it took time, but I met a really great guy/gal.” And, “I went on over 25 dates – with 8 different guys- but I did, eventually, meet my date for life.”

Is the Bay Area a Dating Gold Mine? 


Buyer Beware. You’ll need plenty of gold to sign up for one of the various high-rent dating companies. Whether you pay the exorbitant ($3000) to have dinner with six  strangers or ($2500) to go out to lunch.  Before whipping out the little plastic card– read the online reviews (Yelp) for these high end –promise laden sites and decide if you get more disappointment or joy for thousands of dollars. Avoid Millionaire Matchmakers at all costs.

To Lie or Not to Lie: that is the question

Paul says he’s 5’9 and really is a stout 5’6. Mimi Marin says she is 39 (read: 52.) George claims he is single – actually, he is separated, from his third wife, and is testing the dating waters. Tammy says she works “in the arts” and you will find her at a famous ‘club’ on Broadway – wearing little more than a smile. Ben writes that he is ‘a health nut’ – he neglects to say he is a strict gluten-free, raw-food, Vegan, big fan of Rush Limbaugh, who does naked yoga and exorcisms on weekends. He only wears the color purple and has six silver rings- in each ear. The photos he posts online are fuzzy and taken from a distance. Sally stated on her Match.com profile that her kids were “all grown up.” She didn’t think she needed to divulge that her three adult children lived with her and her four cats.

Your job in this new adventure? Ask questions and then ask more questions. Some of us choose to embellish the truth – others throw caution to the wind and hope no one will notice their photo is ten years and 20 lbs. ago…really? Best Advice: Don’t waste time with ancient photographs

Remember, the truth will really set you free.

Look Before you Leap- Choose your Mantra:

Accuracy is the twin brother of honesty; inaccuracy, of dishonesty. Nathaniel Hawthorne

Achievements on the golf course are not what matters, decency and honesty are what matter.  Tiger Woods

Be sure to check out various online dating companies before you commit to any dating sites.

Good luck and have fun out there.

 San Francisco Dating@50 Examiner, Page Larkin

What a Piece of Work is a Man 

The opposite of fun and flirting is a ‘Stop’ sign – a dead end.

When a man does not respond to our being cute, coy or playful – we move on. Life is short – carpe diem.
Ladies, here are five obvious signs he is going, going, gone.

.
Five Signs of Dead End Dates:
1.    He asks you to split the check.
2.    He cancels more than one date.
3.    He takes and makes phone calls during the date; acts distracted and bored.
4.    He flirts with the hostess, the waitress, the bus boy – everyone but, you.
5.    He admits to liking Honey Boo Boo. Toddlers and Tiaras, Wrestling…

Those flashing red flags are blatant indicators: something is wrong and it isn’t you.

Time for you to move over, move on and  find a new friend.

 

It looked like a grocery list…

• Loaf of bread.
• Half-gallon milk.
• Petite 5’2 – 5’6
• Long red hair.
• Tennis player
• Skier
• Prefer vegetarian
• Mensa member

 Grant  - the  Match.com “Handsome Bachelor” (60, divorced, bon vivant, triathlete ) fromLarkspur segued into his       

“My Ideal Woman MUST HAVE” List:

• Must have a healthy and fit body which delights
• You must maintain loving relations with long term and close friends, and with your family.
• You must love children, you meet the challenges with aplomb, intelligence, humor, wisdom…
• You must be happy person, content with your own self.
• To Keep up with me You must have an active and fertile mind, a by now you must have resolved the key issues of your character and life.
• Financially secure
• Well read
• Well-traveled
• Well spoken
• Self Aware
• Confident
• Sensuous
• Prefer one who reads New Yorker and NYtimes and has a
• Predilection for high heels and miniskirts

This was followed by a swirl of clichés about little black dresses and glasses half -filled with something….

Grant called me – reported he had just created his “Dream Girl List “and gave it to me for comment.

And, I had a distinctive deja vu moment…

Earlier that day,I had been at a friend’s home and her eight-year-old daughter was ordering her first American Girl Doll. I quickly learned that this was an important rite of passage for little girls…

Eight-year-olds all over America  swoon over the American Girl Doll. The marketing magic behind this creation is nothing short of brilliant.   The magic?

For a mere $100.00+ a little girl is able to create the exact doll she dreams of – she can select the exact  hair color, the eye color, and the complexion – to match her own skin tone,   And then – (  for an  additional charge ) there are the myriad choices of very cute, must have clothes -   ka-ching!…. and <voila> instant gratification.

Hours later ,I reviewing Grant’s DREAM GIRL list – ironically, he, too, was looking for an American Doll…He insisted ‘his date’ must be his equal or better…

Good luck with that,pal.

Truth be Told 

Speaking to Grant about his requirements, his so-called standards –  I knew, when he grew tired of the blue eyed, blonde doll – he would probably aspire to the leggy red head with a propensity for Shakespeare, massage, Mensa, Latin, wisdom, Camus and double -crostics.

Is it necessary to make a “Must-have list?” Sure, if you throw in a dash of flexibility, a willingness to be open and  to compromise.