“Nobody knows the trouble I’ve seen…”

There is much banter and ballyhoo about the challenges of modern dating.

Some say that Dating 2009 is: too much, too soon, too fast. Profiles on dating sights like Match.com and Yahoo Personals are said to be more revealing than a see-though blouse. Some prefer a more dignified and seductive pace with more mystery involved. Is the solution: Go Retro? Sock hops, blind dates, spin the bottle?

What about the once popular Blind Date? Could blind dates be a potential new path to explore? Could the awkward, yet, mysterious, blind date make a comeback? Overheard recently at Café Rigolo in Laurel Village: “I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get the guide dog for free”.  But, that’s only one point of view.

There are myriad companies trying to attract the millions of singles looking for love on line. If you are ready to toy with someone’s affections – there is a toy on the market guaranteed to make you laugh. It’s full off razzle, dazzle and wonder.       You’ll wonder: why?                                       It’s the Electronic Spin the Bottle. Yes, the tedious spinning of that cumbersome empty Cabernet Sauvignon bottle has now been alleviated. For a mere $9.99 you can buy a spinning, lighted, electric, bottle. It gives a whole new meaning to get on the buss.

Hands down, the best way to belly up to the dating trough is with humor and a sense of joie de vire. Seriously. Have fun.

What Marin Needs Now- The Top 20 List

1. More hugs

2. A stop light at the new Corte Madera Trader Joe’s

3. More $1 cups of great coffee                                    

4. More cleaners – who don’t take you to the cleaners

5. More Nightlife – come on, sidewalks should not roll up at 8 pm

6. More fabulous Pinot Noirs for $10.00

7. Book sharing with Marin Libraries and lower socio-eco schools

8. More “I Love You”s

9. More people walking – all over

10. More kids outside on swings, slides, and carousels fewer ‘on the bricks’

11. More museums with – random -Free Days

12. More ‘Sneak Peek’ Movie Previews

13. More Ms Manners; less Entitled

14. More  people shopping/supporting  Indy bookstores like the  Book Depot  and Book Passages

15. County Wide Awareness Tours and Celebrations of our  small towns

16. More Laugh lines~~ less botox

17. “Please, thanks, you’re welcome”

18. More  Tolerance and patience – like the good old days

19. More ‘hi, hello, hey, how ya doing,’ exchanges

20. More $10.00 Yoga clasess…

Elbows off the table. Man overboard*. Napkin on your lap. Sit up straight. Knife and fork rest on the plate together, side-by-side. Stand when a lady approaches the table. Hold the door open for another. Remember the ‘Magic Words: please and thank you.
All of the above were ‘manners messages’ that many of us grew up hearing. The run- away best seller of 1922, ‘Etiquette’ by Emily Post,  was deemed the definitive book on good manners for decades.
*That was code for removing a soup spoon from the bowl and placing it on the plate.

Thank you notes passé?

There was a time when all men wore hats and walked nearest to the curb to protect the lady, in her full voluminous skirts, from the possible puddle splash of a passing carriage. Hats are gone. Are good manners next?
A quick exit poll at a local 24-Hour Fitness spoke volumes about the practice of writing thank you notes. Asked the last time they wrote a thank you note, nine (30-somethings) responded, sheepishly…”In college or high school.” Five responded, “Frequently” and five asked, “What’s a thank you note?”

Entitlement or lousy manners?
You be the judge. Some say you have the responsibility to teach your children, nieces, nephews and grandchildren the value of good manners and saying thanks. Emily Post waxes rhapsodic about the proper ink, handwriting, verbiage, and length of a note. Nowadays, short and sweet gets the job done elegantly.
Fact: saying thank you is not old-fashioned. It is savvy, smart, and displays intelligence and good taste. The holidays are upon us. This means a flood of opportunities to get and receive gifts and invitations. What do you say? Thank you for taking the time to read this. May I please be excused?

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you’, it will be enough.”
Meister Eckhart

The Re Date, also referred to as a déjà vu date, is a new dating phenomenon widely embraced by singles today. Dusting off your little black book and reconnecting with people you’ve dated in the past, is now deemed both smart and comfortable, as well as a ‘no-brainer’ and a ‘second chance at love’.

Webster might define a Re Date as “an engagement to go out socially, again, with a person from your past, as in: someone you dated – previously. Second chance.”

Everyone knows there are myriad reasons dating couples break up, split up, detach, disappear, and slip away. There are a million stories in the dated city. The concept of a Re Date introduces the benefit of already knowing a person and realizing, perhaps you were too rash, at first blush. If at first you don’t succeed, Re Date.

Erik E. has been called a ‘perpetual bachelor’. He has a Blackberry, a little black book and a Rolodex filled with a plethora of names of women he has dated in the past. Let’s just say he has been a man-about-town for a decade. Or two.                He said,  “Re Dating is like a romantic breakthrough where you realize you may have passed up a potential love-of-your life, by mistake, and you want to heartily connect, again“.

It has been said, loudly and often, that scrolling through pages of pictures and profiles on the on line dating sites is very similar to a never-ending buffet line or jaunt through a candy store.

The problem: there is such a wide assortment, it stultifies. Both men and women get overwhelmed.  Minds get muddled and hearts go thump in the night.    Mistakes are made…. and we all think about: the one who got away.

The answer: Re Date. Give it a try. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The Votes are in~Best of Marin

Best Coffee - La Coppa - Mill Valley

Best Newspaper – The Pacific Sun

Best Hike 0800 Tues – Tennessee Valley

Best Hike 0900 Sun – Phoenix Lake

Best Hike 1000 Wed -  Alpine Lake

Best Chinese Restaurant – Tommy’s Wok – Sausalito

Best Breakfast/Atmosphere   – Fred’s Place

Best Sunday Brunch with Bicycle Parade- Poggio

Best Theaters/Lark and Rafael

Best Volvo Repair – Auto 280 – SF

Best Personal Assistant – Kerryon

Best Green Cleaners – Clean Look

Best Library  -  Mill Valley

Best Performance Poet – Charselle

Best Mexican/ Salads – Picante

Best Band: James Mosley – The Marin  Band

Best Electrical /Repair – Greenwood

Best Handymen – Bob Podesta and Bill Smullin

Best Book Store – Book Passages

Best Bank- Blithedale Branch  Bank of America

Best Hiking Guide – Barry Spitz

Best Guitars – Schoenberg

Best Everything Hardware Store – Goodman’s

Best Poetry Center – Falkirk- San Rafael

Best Local Plein Air Artist – Michael Rodman
Best Acupuncturist – Dr Barbra Custer

Best Italian/Chain – Pasta Pomodoro

Best Water Heaters – Water Heaters Only

Best Lumber Store – Rafael Lumber

Best Acting -Voice Coach – Terry McGovern

Best Film Festival /Mill Valley Film Festival

Best Paint Store- Tamalpais Paints

Best Comfort Food – My Nonnis Raviolis and Meat Sauce (@mollie stones)

Best Music on a Week day Night- Cafe Divino – Sausalito

Best Tiles – Italics – San Rafael

What do women want?

and

Where do you go to meet women in Marin County?

Demographics~ darling, It’s all about demographics.

And then there is the age old query: What do women want? Chivalry? Direct? Polite? Flirty? Subtle? All of the above?

Here are The Top 10 Places to Meet Women…

1.  Film Festivals - There are more film festivals per capita in Marin than any other County in California-  and just being there is a natural way to encounter a kindred spirit. So easy to nonchalantly comment on a genre, director, star, long line, paucity of tickets. It all starts with a question…            ” do you know”…        fill in the blank and start a conversation.

2. Trader Joe’s ~ on Sunday from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m… (and Monday, Tuesday… Wednesday…)  Ask a question – “Excuse me, is this cheese any good? do you know how to pick out great apples?” (OR wine? bread? soap?…)

(Yes, Virginia: Whole Foods  falls into same category for great place to pick up   …a quart of….)

3. Lectures -at Book Passages – hottest ticket in Marin for a parade of amazing authors ( David Sedaris was there recently for a hilarious reading – outstanding) grace the  small stage. Events (free) usually attract SRO  (standing room only)   ALSO: Marin Arts Center, Marin Osher JCC, the Mill Valley Library, Falkirk,  San Domenico, etc

4. Volunteer -  Mill Valley Film festival, Sausalito Art Festival, any  Wine Tasting Events, Sierra Club, the Human Race, Writer’s Conferences ~Bonus: you volunteer – get to attend the venue  for free and mingle with the attendees.

5. Yoga classes - Hands down this has to be the best place to meet women, odds are generally 10 women to 1 guy… and women have a soft spot in their hearts (or soles ) for a guy who happens to wander into a yoga class. Do a little research and find beginner classes and start there.
You’ll thank me. Despite popular Marin Myths- there are not yoga studios on every street corner – due diligence required. Magic word: SAM.

6. Bookstores - Hey, it’s where we hang out. Note: 67% of all books are sold to Single Women. You do the math.     Ask a question i.e “is this author any good? Do you like ____?”           SEE # 3.

7.  Cupcake stores (think Sprinkles the famed Oprah Best Pick genre). Okay, sweetie, so we indulge. Sit down, have a cup of coffee and engage.   Best question to ask “Which is your favorite?” or   “I want to buy my mom a treat- what you suggest?”

8.La Coppa ...women of a certain age preferred La Coppa over Peets’s  and eschew Formica tabletops. Okay, and the Depot…

9. Wine Shop   (VintageWine/Spirits, Jolly King, Marin Bev Outlet, Mill Valley Market, etc )  Aren’t we all looking for       the same thing?   A decent Pinot noir and a bon soir?

***I didn’t need to suggest asking a question, did I?***

10. On the Street, on the mountain – on the Sunshine Trail – in the elevator, walking into the store, in the well lit, safe, busy, parking lot, on the bus, after the movie,   at Muir Beach, at Sports Basement,  at church,  at dim sum, at Rancho Nicasio, classes at College of Marin, dog walking…  at Safeway,  at any one of the numerous  farmer’s market, Best Buy…at the library….in the waiting room…No SECRET ~  MEETUP.COM for walking~ strolling~hiking  groups ~75% females ~ as a Rule…. See Kick it with Krickett….and Cruising with Colleen

Every single day – there are multiple opportunities to say:

Hi, Hey, Hello…

and the best line ever:

” Don’t I know you? ”

(really – THE best line ever scripted).

Here’s a little secret… you might be happy with Sunday/Monday Night football, March Madness, the World Series, and the myriad sport shows that are on every day on every channel ~

HOWEVER ~~~ girls, not so much.

Now~ Get out there and play!

Not a Trivial Pursuit

Q. What happens after you bang the drum slowly? A. Broken Drum

Granted, the trivia questions posed by trivia- king Howard Rachelson Wednesday nights at the Broken Drum in San Rafael are more erudite and entertaining. If you like Jeopardy, trivia, facts and fun, Trivia Nights at the Broken Drum is your cup, Darjeeling. Howard writes a weekly trivia column for the hugely successful newspaper, the Pacific Sun. Both are legendary in Marin County. Howard’s Trivia is competitive, fun and as entertaining as a four-letter word referring to the underworld.

Where the Girls ARE in Marin ~ See  Meetup.com – Marin Hike and Stroll – Activities every week – and some Meet Up.com  groups:  every night  ( hiking, imbibing,  going to shows, film night, pumpkin carving…Any Single Guy who wants to meet women in a relaxed atmosphere: pay attention)

Behind the Red Door: Taize at Trinity Church ~ San Francisco

You enter the pitch-black church (Trinity Church), lit only by a burst of ruby red candles lining the altar and an array of glowing, golden candles flickering on the side altars. You pick up a lighted votive candle and a handout. Take a seat in the front of the serene, beautiful stone church. The evening starts with a reading (could be Rumi, Thoreau, Wayne Dyer, Bible) and the amazing lead singer begins with hypnotic chants. Sometimes the people in the pews are vibrant other times quiet and meditative. Go solo or bring a date or a friend. Sit close and share the candle and chant along with the rapturous singing. A night to remember.  7:30  Donations welcomed.

• Tipple- at the Alembic on Haight – Small Plates and exquisite cocktails

• Imbibe – at the City’s best and newest Wine Bar, Yield Enjoy frequent special pairings and parties.
• Tut Tut -See the Boy King at the DeYoung and plan to be there for the action ‘Friday Nights at the Deyoung’.
• Wave- Frolic at breathtakingly beautiful Stinson Beach - 51 acres of spectacular beach. An infamous  challenge to find and worth it.
• Kick it with Krikkit – Marin Hikes on Meetup.com
• Get High- San Francisco Helicopter Tours You’ve already done Coit Tower, the Transamerica building, and top of the Bank of America World  headquarters – now, try this!

Tess, 39 perpetually, just got hired by Macy’s. She is the self proclaimed ‘Blender Babe’ of the Kitchenware department.       Her itsy-bitsy miniscule paycheck is overshadowed by the promise of ‘benefits”. In 8 weeks, Tess will be granted a decent Health Benefits package.                                            Hey, the  mantra these days is, “it’s all about the benefits, friend”.

During the Human Resources Hustle orientation, Tess said the well rehearsed, fast-talking, instructor explained that benefits were just like dating: “For 2 months we check you out. We watch you and we see how you perform; if you show up on time, if you are loyal and passionate.

If you do as you promise, we will be your friends, with benefits”.
“If you don’t call, don’t show up, fool around, cheat, lie or steal, we withhold benefits and , Honey ~  you are history!  Buh–bye…

This was a metaphor Tess readily “got”  and she marveled how Romance and Retail mirrored one another.   She is all about benefits. And shopping around…shop, shop, shop around~~~

Friends~ we all know about brand loyalty, performing well, and integrity. My friend with benefits, Tess, is ready to blend.

The First Date and trick-or-treating are hauntingly similar.

Both require identical preparations and both are all about wear and where.

Wear?
Getting ready to go trick or treating on Halloween
and on a first date you spend an inordinate amount of time putting together your ‘outfit’. You want to make a statement. You forage through closets and drawers to select the right thing to wear. Women often aim for hauntingly beautiful or the girl-next-door costume. Guys- better to look more like a superhero – less like a monster…

Where?
Trick or treating and site selecting for a first date require that you carefully plan and plot where to go. Both parties agree to meeting in a safe, well lighted neighborhood. One naturally avoids ‘dark and spooky,’ at all costs. You agree upon the perfect witching hour. Your spirits are up and it’s time! The scariest thing that can happen?  You don’t look like your picture. One of you is spooky, kooky or creepy. Your costume is all wrong. At the end of the night, you want to think, “Sweet!”  You don’t want to walk away thinking, “What a witch.” or “What a monster.” and return home empty handed.

Remember: A few kisses are good. You want to avoid sours, Nerds, Screaming Yellow Zonkers, Snickers, jaw-breakers and gobstoppers. Skip the tricks and pranks, have fun and go straight for the ‘treats’.

Happy Haunting~

Can Fantasy and Football be used in the same sentence?

It’s back. Football season has started and for some (men) it is a fantasy – for others (women) a nightmare. If ever there was a ‘control issue’ it has to be – not remote – but thriving in living rooms, dens, family rooms across America. The great debate continues: how many hours can a guy watch football on TV every weekend? This is a trick question. Go ahead: consult your tea-leaves, the phone tree, and your oracle at Delphi. Call your psychic. There is no concrete answer. Some say, as long as there is a football game on TV– men will watch. Others refine their football viewing to specific teams.

Hey, boys… there is a reason a woman invented TIVO.

Ladies, football is a tough act to follow. Take it from me, this is the one time you can try to make a pass at your beau, you can allude to a ‘touchdown’ or “hang time” As long as he has his 3R’s: Recliner, Refrigerator, Remote Control and football, include him out. You are merely interference and an encroachment.

If you are like many American women – you’ve tried to make a pass, you scramble for his affection. Darn, false start. You’ve given him a two-minute warning, No response. You’ve felt rejected, dejected and down-and-out. You’ve even gone so far as to make a second very forward pass. You want to play and he wants to watch.

Men and football…best advice: ladies, understand: You don’t have the home- field advantage. You can easily and quickly learn to enjoy the game or enjoy some hang time with other football widows. Get your backfield in motion, say a Hail Mary and roll out and go shopping for yardage, Feeling creative? Get in the spirit of things and make a red shirt. That’s code. Code for pursue your own fantasy and play.

Go see a chick flick, go for a jog, a hike, grab the kayak, take the dog to the dog park and have fun.   He’ll be yours after the game.